BDSM Can be Expensive!

One thing about BDSM is you can really spend some money getting all the toys you want.  First you start out with rope, maybe some anal toys, vibrators, and clamps… then it just goes from there!

One of the things we have found is that the local hardware store can be a great place to pick up your favorite tools of pleasure (I did not include any dildos attached to power saws, there are safe ways to do that and really dangerous ways to do that – do not, DO NOT put a dildo over a saw blade).

The pipe areas of your favorite hardware store are the focus of this post.  For under thirty dollars we have built a hogtie kit, two spreader bars, and a T spreader (to be attached to her collar and thighs).  It was a little more to get the wrist/ankle cuffs but those can be detached and used anywhere.  I am a fan of the cheap carabiners you can find in the hardware stores (although do not suspend anyone with them – buy climbing rated ones for that).  They are cheap and easy to use in multiple places.

The T-bar is black pipe with threaded ends.  I drilled a hole through the end of the long piece and attached a carbiner to connect to the neck.

The spreader bars (only one shown) should be set to be wide enough to keep the submissive open but not [too] uncomfortable.  They are made by combining a closed hook and a steel rod.  You can use concrete anchors inside the rod to connect a sleeve nut which you then screw the hook into.

The hogtie is made the same way.  Get a PVC cross, put 4 pieces of about 4 inch pipe into it and then anchor a hook onto each end.

The last thing you will want to do with any metal is to polish it up with some steel wool and soap/water.

T-Spreader Spreader Bar Hog Tie

Total cost will be 20 – 50 bucks (Depends where you shop).  Time invested is probably about an hour to build them all.

Another fun toy (when used correctly) can be the pinwheel.  Used to test response and stimulation it can be pleasurable or painful…

Pinwheel

Be creative in your toy making!  Get out there and see what the hardware store can offer you for much less than the cost of a pre-made device.  The best part is that it allows you to think about the size and flexibility of your submissive as you make your decisions.

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Oral Fixation

I don’t know about the rest of you but I enjoy receiving a good blow job.  What makes it good for me?  The dirtier, louder, and messier the better!

My blow job rules:

  • Spit on it.
  • I should hear My Cock going in and out of your mouth as you cover it in more spit.
  • When pulled away from your mouth, spit should hang between your lips and My Cock.
  • you should sound like you are enjoying it, even when you are not.  Moan, make sounds, get into it!

Don’t be quite about it.  Sucking cock should be pleasurable and that should be demonstrated through your actions.  Keep those guys happy and remember, just because these are my thoughts do not mean they are everyone’s!

This is not a game…

As we enter into this new world, I have been… lenient.  After all, it is a big change from the “normal” day to day of our lives.  I was allowing for adjustment and reminding her when she would break the rules (I, myself do not have them memorized).  I am not someone who feels that anger will resolve anything nor will yelling or getting upset.  A clear mind is sharp and capable of the actions that emotions prevent us from committing.

My work is often frustrating and that can be multiplied by my want to never leave anything to rest.  However I have learned that getting upset will not resolve anything, you are far more productive when you are capable of meeting a problem straight on with a level head.

To this point, my actions have been moderated by the immaturity of the change in our lifestyle.

Yesterday’s events ended that.  Going forward we will be celebrating the Master/servant (D/s) role and the rules will be followed.   Success in following the rules will be rewarded earnestly.  Failure and disobedience will not be tolerated.

Pushing

i have found myself running a gamut of emotions the last few days since The Rules have been adjusted and begun to be implemented. I am also due to start my monthly bit of fun here in the next few days and so usually the week prior to it finds me an emotional, raging and insecure beast.  Throw on the fact that i am still wrapping my head around this new dynamic in our relationship and the fact that while i am excited about it (well, most of it) there is still a part of me that is freaking out and worried that the confidence i finally have in Master’s love for me will go out the window as i relinquish control to him.

As a result i have been feeling almost like a child; i have these new boundaries and expectations and my natural inclination is to test them and see if Master actually means what He says and is going to follow through on them.  A few times over the last few days i felt like he hadn’t and while part of me was thankful that i hadn’t received any punishment for my transgressions; part of me was slightly irked because i began to feel like maybe he really wasn’t on board with any of this and was only trying to appease me until the novelty wore off and i lost interest.  Logically i know that pushing the limits isn’t the right way to handle this situation; the mature thing would to be to ask Master to sit down and talk.  We’ve had some talks already in the last week about my worries and He was amazing reassuring me and showing me that even though our dynamic is shifting to a different place, i am still his wife, his lover and his equal.  And that should have been enough for me, but it wasn’t.

So yesterday afternoon was not going well for either one of us and i found myself once again feeling childish.  When i got home with our oldest daughter from her after school activity i found myself with nothing fast to make for dinner, a couple of wet towels that had been left on the laundry room floor and were now mildewing and not getting the answers i wanted from Master.  I was pissed and i decided right then and there i was NOT going to comply anymore; this was feeling like a game and i didn’t want to play it.  So i broke two rules by putting on non-approved clothing and undergarments and thought to myself “So there!”

Master came home with our youngest and i refused to talk to Him, in fact i sat at the other end of the dinner table with my arms crossed shooting daggers from my eyes.  The girls were making their lunches and He was cleaning up the kitchen and i sat…and sat.  Finally He put His arms around me and whispered, “I’m sorry”.  That should have been good enough for me and under normal, non-hormonal, circumstances it would have been; but this time it wasn’t. i told Him i didn’t care, i told Him i wasn’t going to do this anymore and that i never should have said anything about trying to incorporate D/s into our lives because He obviously didn’t want to and i should have just kept it to myself.  Then i went upstairs and cried on the bed.

He came up eventually and i expected Him to lay down with me and hug me like he usually does when i get like this.  Instead i heard a zipper and found him opening a suitcase. i panicked and asked Him what He was doing, “I’ll be back on the weekend.” He said.  So i ran into the closet to block him from getting in, i grabbed onto Him, to the clothes He had in His hand.  Then i did the only other thing i could think to do; i dropped into my submissive pose and sobbed and begged.

Interjection here-When i get upset and angry I push in hopes that He will push back because i have a very quick temper and Master is very even keeled which i both admire and hate at the same time.  Often i bait Him to see if He will react and i can only count on one hand the number of times He has.  i don’t know why i do this, i always have and i hate this about myself and yet i can’t seem to stop doing it.

He finally agreed to stay and told me to get control long enough to get the girls to bed.  i felt awful for pushing him this far; i have gotten so used to Him dealing with my crap that i expect it; i expect so much from Him in regards to being tolerant with me and yet i don’t do the same for Him and i was so overwhelmed with this feeling of guilt and anger with myself for treating the person i love with my whole heart this way.  So once the girls were in bed i placed myself without question on my knees next to the bed and laid my head on him.

“You’re not wearing your uniform.”

“i know, i am also wearing regular underwear.”

“I noticed.  you’re going to have to do a lot of work tonight to earn the right to sleep in the bed tonight.”

It sounds crazy but i was glad to hear Him say that; He was absolutely right i had no right to even think i deserved to sleep next to Him.  But it was at that moment that my last fears were soothed; He does care, He does want to do this and i want to do this for Him…with Him.  So i took my punishment; partially last night and the rest today.  i have a chain and lock that i am wearing around my waist as a symbolic collar for when i am out in public; ironically the lock says “Master” on it and it makes me smile every time i see it.  Usually it is loosely draped around my waist but this morning as Master put it on He made it tight enough that i can feel it constantly.  It has left red marks all the way around my waist, it is uncomfortable and i am aware of it no matter what.  But it is humbling, it is comforting and i accept my punishment for what it is.  He reminded me this morning when i sent him a picture of the marks that all day i will be focused on this pain and reminded that only He can take it away.  Master is kind, He loves me for all of my faults and i am so thankful to be owned by Him.

I will think twice before i decide to push again.

His little b

The Journey Begins

Here are some truths about me:  i am a worrier; i want everyone to like me, i want to be accepted; i don’t like conflict and so i do whatever i can to maintain peace and neutrality among people.  i am also a massive control freak; i try to micro manage all the time and find myself often trying to get the last word in.  i am a very black and white thinker and i happened to be married to someone who lives in the “grey” area of the world which can be difficult as He likes to push buttons and limits and i worry constantly about veering from the straight and narrow.

Yet i recently admitted a secret that i have harbored since childhood; i am also a masochist.  To say or write that aloud still shocks me; yet it is the absolute truth.  Perhaps it is due to events during my childhood that have made me this way; i can’t be sure but the fact of the matter is i am at a point in my life where I have decided to accept and embrace this “quirk” about me.  The idea of being tied up, spanked or whipped, being pushed out of my comfort zone (which at current is a VERY small zone) has long intrigued me.  But being outside of societial norms was a huge concern for me and so even though the desire has been there i have pushed it away for fear of being different.

i have been fortunate to been in a relationship with Master for over fifteen years now; we have been married for twelve of them and He has been with me through “Better or Worse” and i have questioned many times why He continues to stay by my side or why He loves me.  i often see the worst in myself and due to my insecurities find it difficult to see what good i could bring to Him.  He is crazy smart, outgoing, adventurous, confident, cocky…the complete opposite of me.  Wouldn’t it make sense that he would rather be with someone who shares the same traits?

Early in our dating relationship i stumbled upon BDSM; i don’t even remember how at this point; perhaps He does.  All i know is that i was intrigued by the idea of being tied up, of being owned, serving the person i loved in whatever manner He felt fitting.  But I worried that because it doesn’t fit within societal norms it wasn’t right to do and so we occasionally played with neckties tied to the ends of the bed but nothing serious; i was too afraid of what it would mean if i liked it.

Then we had children and my views on sex took an ever further downward turn.  Unfortunately due to past experiences in my life i have long had a negative view on sex and my body and for a very long time i was really in a place where i could take it or leave it….mostly leave it.  i didn’t want to feel this way, i kept trying to make myself want to like it, and once in the moment i did for the most part but i certainly didn’t go out of my way to seek it out.  And to even think about venturing outside of the “vanilla” world was unheard of; i was a mother for goodness sakes!

Then this past summer, something changed.  No it was NOT reading the 50 Shades of Grey Series thank you, while i did find a couple of scenes in the first book intriguing overall the whole thing was a train wreck and not even being in the BDSM world i knew it wasn’t an accurate portrayal of how a D/s relationship worked.  It was the innocent talk Master and i had on during our very long drive home from vacation.  i am a talker; it’s how i process and deal with my emotions.  Master is not which has long been a point of contention with me; i often felt that i didn’t have that emotional connection to him because he didn’t talk about his feelings.  But that night to keep him awake i told him to talk to me.

“What do you want me to talk about?”

“i don’t know, i’m always the one talking.  You talk to me.”

“Okay, tell me something you’ve always wanted to do but haven’t because you are afraid to.”

What?  What the hell kind of question is that?  With Him, i don’t always know how to interpret things; He tends to throw sexual innuendos into even the most mundane of conversations so i wasn’t sure if that was what he was looking for.  i still don’t; but i was going to play it safe and so i answered with something very shallow and said that there isn’t much i want to do that i am afraid of; it’s not like i want to go skydiving or swim with sharks or anything crazy like that (He would though; He’d be all over that!).  But the question left me thinking; what about this idea of being submissive?  What if i let my fears and need to control go and gave into what i really want what would it mean for me, for Him, for us?

So about a month ago or so i Googled submissive blogs and i read a few of them.  Many that came up were definitely not what i was looking for and so i continued to search.  But then i found a couple that really hit home with me.  Married couples; some with children and jobs and all of the other stresses of daily life who had come to a point in their relationships where they really felt they wanted more that the “vanilla” life they were leading. i read,  i went to the very beginning of their blogs and read all the way to the end; i went to blogs they were reading and suddenly i found myself not feeling that what i wanted was wrong.  So i causally mentioned to Master that i had been reading and wondered what he thought about us possibly trying to incorporate BDSM into our life.  I was pretty sure He’d be like, “um…yeah…right.”

Monday i was given my rules.  Our journey is beginning.

-His little b

Hello world!

Welcome to our blog on BDSM. We are new to the experience and growing. Our growth and efforts will be documented here. Posts may be used as a communication tool, as a reward, or as a punishment.

We will categorize the posts and share our learning.

We have kids and are not into sharing or swinging and do not do age play. At this point we are establishing rules and working through the early stages.

Stay tuned!

-Him