Master was gone again all last week and by Friday i was more than eager for Him to be home and for more than just needing to connect with Him physically. The girls were at an after school activity and His plane was due to arrive right before my day ended getting Him home right before i would be. We’d have about an hour to be together and i couldn’t wait.
But His plane was delayed and so i arrived home first. By the time He was home and my dad left we had only time for a quickie. And since then we’ve both been so tired, busy and i have been dealing with my monthly ball of joy that decided to put in its appearance late. The last two mornings i have had to remind Master to put my collar on before He left for work which today left me feeling frustrated and second guessing everything once again.
As i have been sitting here the last couple of hours i have been thinking about my feelings and normally i would be getting angrier and more upset by the fact that i don’t feel that our dynamic has shifted much at all other than the domestic chores that i have taken on. i want to sit at his feet while he works, i want Him to collar me because He wants me to remember my place and what the collar means, not because i have asked Him too and i want to submit to Him because i want Him to know how much it means to me, how much He means to me.
But i realize that i am also expecting Him to read my mind, to know exactly how i feel without me saying it. And maybe someday that will be possible, but for right now i expect too much and that is not fair. He is learning right along side me and as He often reminds me, the only way this will work is to communicate. So i texted Him earlier and asked if we could talk tonight. Honestly though, i think i am just wanting that chance to reconnect that i don’t feel like we really got this weekend, then maybe i will feel like He is really home and i will be able to take my place once more where i belong.
His little b