Sub Space

Lately i have found myself not really in the place i want to or need to be in; a lot of that has been due to exhaustion and a nagging disc bulge in my neck that i am trying to baby for the next two weeks until my race is over.  Part of it has been due to the fact that my role as a submissive hasn’t been consistently enforced of late and it was causing me a good deal of frustration to figure out where i needed to be and beginning to push again to see if Master would put me back there.

He did, of course as He posted yesterday.  The updates to the Rules (we’re now on Version 4.0) have made me feel a bit better as it has been spelled out quite clearly to me what Master wants of me.  This morning was the first that i had to be up and ready for work in over a week and also make sure Master’s needs were taken care of; i fought against the urge to turn of the alarm and go back to sleep…mostly because my ass needed a breather 🙂 so i began my morning routine and found myself happy to be where i was supposed to be.

But i want to figure out how to keep myself where i need to be when i need to be.  i am constantly worrying about things; most of the time it is making sure i am taking care of everything and everyone i need to (and between family and work there is a lot) and so there are times when i am not fully present on what i need to be.  Master wrote a few weeks back about the challenge of not having others to share our questions and experiences with.  He’d probably be fine going to a meetup group and talking face to face with others who share our similar relationship dynamic but i am completely not…not at this point.  i am already uncomfortable around strangers and very shy but add to the fact that i am also very private about what goes on between us (not because i am in anyway ashamed; quite the opposite.  i love the fact that we have begun to explore this side of us; it feels wonderful not to hide behind what i thought was wrong) and the thought of speaking face to face with others about it makes me cringe.  Even the thought of posting on the walls of the blogs that i read frequently makes me uncomfortable and yet i know to talk to others that have been where we have been and can maybe shed some light and wisdom on moving into a D/s relationship while balancing a family and life would be so beneficial.

Maybe someday i’ll move out from behind the curtain…

his little b

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Learning her Place

As of late, I suspect that the confusion of the transition between the sleepy people we have been, slacking off in our D/s roles has lead to the current situation.  As we go through reloading the rules I have found that she has been very lax in the basic tenets of our relationship.  Now that we are heading back “towards the light (where she likes to be)” and out of the grey (where I often thrive) I have had to correct her several times this week.

she has forgotten to correctly:

  • Care for me (iron my clothes)
  • Wake me up correctly
  • she has been talking back a bit as of late [to see what would happen].

Over the weekend she found herself tied up several times and by the end of the night her ass was red as she choked out the count as my hand slapped across her ass.

I am pleased to say that she woke me up correctly today and that my clothes for tomorrow are already ironed.  Tonight she might just get rewarded with some pleasurable time in the dungeon (OK… it is the basement); but she loves to be on her knees down there doing as she is told.

It is good to have a submissive that wants to serve and needs structure.  I will work hard at keeping her.

Reloading

As part of the reloading process, I have developed / improved /modified the rules based on the first go round (actually this was my fourth draft).  I still think there is room for improvement but it would not be much of an adventure if we got it right the first time!

The new rules are posted and I created what I call “The Ten Commandments“.  A list of the over-arching guidelines and things that I thought were important to the foundation of our D/s relationship.  The core of which are trust and love (at least in a relationship where you have been together for many years and have kids, pets, and a mortgage).

Wax Failure

I am always willing to admit when I fail (OK… most of the time); and lets just say the first time we tried to play with wax we jumped right in with a candle from the kitchen and dripped the wax right on the leg.  Well, it was hot… very hot and did not work.  After a few minutes of intense pain, we wondered where we had gone wrong.

Now I know: http://www.idahobdsm.com/articles/howto/waxplay.html

There is low temperature wax for use in pain and pleasure (coming in at the temperature of a hot shower instead of boiling water).

Sounds like a much better idea, now to order some!

Trying…

One of the biggest challenges I have found with being dominate in a relationship is figuring out how to be dominate.  It is not that I cannot be in charge; but it is finding the right balance between all the expectations and assumptions.  Possibly the toughest part of this is not having someone outside of my wife to talk with.  Someone with actual experience!

That leaves me/us trying to determine our own path without any guidance and trying to move from 0 to 60 (or if you prefer vanilla to kinky).  There have been a lot of bumps in the road and I think we can do a lot better.  Right now we are faced with the issue that we are busy from morning to night and by time we get home we are both tired and running a strong dominate and submissive relationship really requires a lot of time, attention, and effort.

So we keep looking to find our way and it is my intention to create a timeline and set more control around our path forward so that my submissive understands what will be expected each week as we grow into a full D/s situation.

Keep an eye out for D/s 2.0, it will be coming soon as I plan out my little submissive’s time.  Having boundaries and organization are the only ways we will succeed in moving forward.