Thirty days of Bondage

After we complete the 60 days of submission, I intend to follow that up with 30 days of different bondage.

I am starting to work on my list for this now. Fortunately we have lots of toys and tools at our disposal.

Fortunately, creativity does not have to end in the bedroom, nor do all of the ideas have to revolve around sex.

For example…

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It should be a fun, sadistic, and creative April.

Sir’s note: the photo above is not mine, I retained the owner’s details on the photo so credit could be applied. It was located through a Google image search.

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Sixty Days of Submission

Master recently finished a book entitled “Sixty Days of Submission” and while he said that much of the book was repetitive; he liked the idea of a challenge and so on Monday i received an email with a spreadsheet attached containing my own “Sixty Days of Submission”. Each day, from February 1st to April 1st, i will have an activity or challenge to complete and failure to do so comes with a matching punishment.  Not all challenges are of a sexual nature and while some of the punishments are on the lighthearted side; others already have me hoping i will not fail to comply on those days.

Some of the items on the list are already a part of our daily routine in some way but have a few modifications, others we have talked about incorporating in the past or maybe tried to but stopped for whatever reason, some are taken from my own personal list of submissive goals for the year while others have come from the recesses of Master’s imagination.  There are several i am looking forward to trying, others that i have a little hesitation over and some that will be pushing me WAY out of my comfort zone and i am currently weighing whether or not the punishment would be more tolerable than the activity (i am kidding about that….sort of).

My goal, as of now, is to post each day’s activity and whether or not it was a success or failure (hopefully there are few failures although even within failure there is success because i will learn from it) and my feelings about each day.  At the end of the sixty days, with Master’s permission, i will post the list in its entirety to the blog.  i am excited about this challenge, while i feel a bit nervous i know that i am going to learn a lot about myself, my limits and hopefully i will have moved more solidly into this role that i am so very much wanting.  i hope that i am able to please Master with my success and to give myself over to Him more fully when all is said and done.  Perhaps this journey will inspire others who are finding their own submission to join me and take a challenge of their own.

his little b

Defining “The Dominant”

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The first step is admitting you have a problem!  My problem is that much of my learning about dominance and submission is coming from the writings of other people and that has to fight its way through my perception and bias just as it does with any individual.  Without the ability to interact, ask questions, present “what if’s” and identify with the individual on a personal level it is difficult to take their lessons and apply them.  At least for me.

Some things I can learn from a book… some… well I guess I am stubborn in some of my beliefs.

I think a lot of my “issue” comes from the fact that I love life.  I love life because it is chaotic.  Children to me are amazing, they are smart but naive.  They are pure and beautiful.  They are everything that we adults have forgotten we should be; and they define chaos.

Being a dominant often times conflicts with my love of chaos.  I even love Chaos Math!  The idea that complex systems can be impacted by small changes half a world away – it is amazing stuff!

Perhaps my “issue” is better defined as my belief that control is an illusion; and perhaps you are thinking “How can you be a dominant with that ideal?”  Well…

I believe that as people we are always looking for some form of control in our lives.  Some people like to have the control “exerted” on them so that they can find comfort in giving of themselves.  Others find comfort in having control and helping people to find the person they want to be.  At least to me that is the definition of a submissive and a dominant.

However, I don’t believe that we ever truly have control, nor are we truly complete as individuals.  A dominant is not complete without a submissive and a submissive needs a dominant (sure, there are lots of variations on this – a dominant might have many submissives, a submissive might be at the service of multiple dominants, or they might switch from time to time).

As for control, we suffer from the illusion that we are in control.  A lot of times we can be successful at this, such as during a scene (or if you prefer “playtime”).  It is easy to manufacture control when everyone knows what is happening and there are previously set limits.  In that “virtual” space we can have control.  Outside of that space, our control is limited.  I can tell my wife “Stand here for 10 minutes” but she has to choose to obey.  Short of physical or mental abuse, I cannot force her to do so.  I could tie her up, I could punish her, but in the end even the RIGHT to do that is given to me by her.  Not by my control.

So the act of my wife standing in place for 10 minutes is not control, it is a mutual agreement that one individual will elect to follow the commands of another.

Control is absolute, control is unyielding, control is unforgiving.  To me, being a dominant is none of those things.  Being a dominant is about creating an environment where my wife [or submissive] can achieve and grow.  Not to mention have a series of mind blowing orgasms (At least I hope they are mind blowing).  It is about coming to an agreement on a set of rules that work for our relationship, it is about compromise to create a scene or to set limits, it is about sometimes yielding to her needs before my own, it is about forgiving more than anything else because she was my wife long before we made the turn to be a dominant and submissive.

To me, being a dominant is very far from control.  Sure, that is a part of it; but the moments I am in control are far outweighed by the times we spend together enjoying the chaos of a rainy day on a camping trip, the results of a over cooked dinner, or the discoveries we make through trial and error with riding crops or handcuffs.  It is the chaos of our relationship that creates the amazing moments, not the control.

My answer to what is a dominant is, an individual who gives of themselves to create an environment that helps a submissive to be more.  This is accomplished through careful negotiation, organization, management, and love.

Reaching Out

It has been a very long time since i have posted anything here…a VERY long time.  Part of that was because i felt like every post i wrote was about my struggle to find my missing desire to submit and i didn’t want to become redundant; the other part was because for a good part of last year i was unable to even be submissive thanks to a couple of major injuries.  We had moments of D/s and they were much appreciated but truly last year was a very vanilla year and i began to feel as though we had taken a huge step backwards to several years ago.

Over the last month though; Master and i have been working hard to reclaim our D/s dynamic.  Rules are being pulled out again, revised as needed and followed through on.  i have set several goals for myself this year to help me continue to grow and not fall back into struggling again. As an introvert i find it very hard to reach out to strangers to ask for help or even just to strike up a conversation; i am realizing though that in order to grow as a submissive i need to be able to talk with others who may be in a similar situation as ours.  i was getting frustrated for a time because it felt like many of the books and blogs i was finding didn’t seem to relate to our experiences.  Last week though it dawned on me that D/s is not a black and white thing and for someone who thinks like that this has been very difficult to wrap my head around.  i mentioned this to Master yesterday and he said that even relationships that aren’t like ours can still be helpful.  He is correct of course; every book, every blog, every conversation can offer something to us; we may make it part of our own journey or agree that it doesn’t work for us.  i am hopeful that as others find our little corner of the internet; someone will say, “i/we have been in that same place” or “i/we are working to make this part of our lives as well; here is what we are doing” and perhaps it will help us to continue to grow.  We are on a good path so far this year…i am hopeful it will continue in the direction it is going,

his little b

Building the Bench

One thing that I like is finding fun surprises at the hardware store. When I came across this I envisioned this:

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The project took a couple of hours (if you ignore stain drying time) and cost about 150 dollars (once you include a few accessories I added in.

The table was 80 dollars.
The padding was 10 dollars.
The fabric was 30 dollars
Then I bought some metal pipes for about 30 dollars.

The process was:

First the table had to be cut down a little, my lovely wife was not tall enough to bend over the prefabricated height.

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Then I reattached the bottom support and added foam padding.

After that, I added marine vinyl and five anchor points on both long sides as well as some at the ends.

I also added some piping to allow me to restrain the hands beyond the bed and the legs in the air.

The combination opens up a lot of options to expand playtime.

The last bit is a part I have not picked up yet, a crank to stretch my wife out on; turning the bench into a midevil rack.