Today’s Task:Print out and complete the BDSM checklist at http://www.cepemo.com/checklist.html; one stroke per item not completed as punishment. There were 200 items on the list.
This proved to be much more of a challenge than i expected; not just because of the number of questions (and Master ended up paring the list down a bit because we both felt that some of the questions were geared towards someone who was looking for a partner while others we both knew were hard limits for us both) but also because many of the questions didn’t have a clear cut answer and needed to be discussed further. Some of the questions i felt indifference to such as clothing and role play; i would do them both if Master wished me to but if it were my choice i probably wouldn’t think about it.
The biggest challenge i found was actually answering some of the questions that we already do. As a masochist obviously pain is high on my list of things that i enjoy; however i do differentiate between sensual spanking/beating and punitive and so to answer on a scale of 1-5 whether i enjoy certain aspects of beating…well…i enjoy a good spanking and often find it helps bring me back to where i need to be. I don’t enjoy when i receive a punitive beating because it hurts in a different way but i do appreciate it because it reminds me to watch myself and my actions. So i ended up leaving a few unanswered and suggested to Master that perhaps the checklist would be better answered face to face. i love that it opened up a great dialogue between us tonight; he told me that he wasn’t surprised by any of my answers and limits but wanted to see what i would answer if asked to and i asked him if there was anything that i answered low on my list of likes that maybe he wanted to try more of. He said no; that our answers lined up pretty much the same although he is much more open minded to public acts where they are definite hard limits for me,
All in all; i would say today was very helpful for me to really voice to Master where i hope our relationship will head and to be able to put more trust in him to lead me to my limits and then push me just a little bit further. Every day i can see how committed he is to making this work for us and it pushes me to let go and surrender to him.
i will go to sleep tonight feeling quite at peace.
his little b