Day 5:Kneel at the side of the bed and request permission to join me at the end of the day; five strokes for forgetting to kneel/ask permission.
This should have been a simple task as i do this every night; yet somehow i managed to forget last night. There isn’t much more to say about this other than i was given a good reminder this morning.
And then there was today; Day 6. Today’s task :Write, “I am a wonderful, beautiful, powerful person” 100 times.Numbering each on lined paper. Post a photo of the completed task to Twitter, tagging Master.. Let Master know via text when completed.
One stroke per line not completed. Twenty five strokes for not believing in what you write.
You know the saying that if you tell yourself something enough times eventually you will believe it? Well 100 lines later i wasn’t any closer to believing what i had just spent two and a half hours writing. i wanted to, i really did if for no other reason than to save my already stinging derriere but i couldn’t and i knew that lying to Master wasn’t an option because after almost eighteen years together He knows me too well and how i feel about myself.
i cannot even formulate words to explain how i am feeling tonight, my thoughts and emotions are a jumble, i am drained. i managed not to cry as i counted out the twenty five strokes of the paddle but then Master instructed me to say out loud the words i had written…over and over…saying them was worse than writing them and i couldn’t keep it together any more. While i sobbed i repeated myself, through several more strokes from Master’s hand i repeated them but i couldn’t bring myself to believe them.
Later He made love to me, it was so gentle, so kind. As He caressed my body and kissed me all over i could feel His love for me, not just in the physical sense but i could actually feel how much He cares for me, the wonderful, the beautiful, the powerful he sees in me and i found myself hoping that someday i would be able to finally feel the words i had written and spoken today. i have a feeling i will be coming back to today and processing it for quite a while, i cannot quite wrap my head around it yet.
His little b