50 Shades of… Meh

Today’s challenge to the wife was to go to the 50 Shades of Grey movie. First off, let me say going to a soft core porno at a major theater chain at 2 PM on a Friday is probably not our best move… The grandmother sitting to my left made the experience a bit surreal.

As for the movie… a couple of thoughts:

Props to the producers and directors for making the use of condoms very visible, I am not sure if it was their attempt at the “safe” part of safe, sane, and consensual; but when you are making a movie about dominance and submission, playing it in a mainstream theater, and inviting Granny Adams over to watch it you want to make sure you are not advertising unprotected sex within the movie. Let’s face it, 50 Shades of Grey is already getting punched in the crotch by just about everyone (although I suspect it will still make several dump trucks worth of money).

Next, I have to admit that I started book one; but did not make it through it. The writing left me disappointed. Not because I had not reached a sex scene yet; it was because the book just felt unrefined. In fact the book felt like everything that Christian Grey was not suppose to be.

As for Christian Grey, the guy admits to have 15 women that stayed in his home. I find it difficult to believe that across those 15 women, he never felt an emotional attachment to any of them. That he never had to deal with the way Anastasia Steele “changed him”. Even if I was to discard all the other parts of the movie here is a dude that sends a lit major first editions as a “I’m sorry” note.

However, beyond the fact that he has no idea about himself, he also has no clue about being a dominant. What he is… well… he is just a guy that likes kinky sex. He wants someone to live in his house for a couple of days while he uses them. He does not want an emotional attachment, he does not want the complexity of becoming part of a relationship, and even though he says “We have to be honest with each other for this to work”, the man never opens up.

On the other hand, Anastasia is actually a fairly believable submissive character. She is curious but being a virgin and new to… well… let’s face it… new to penises in general (How does she not know that every guy is like tripping over themselves to be with her?!?)

When presented with the idea of being a submissive, she takes her time to research, to review the contract, she negotiates on several areas and does a good job of topping from the bottom. While Christian Grey borders on being a psychotic control freak she helps the movie carry itself by being level headed, organized, and generally entertaining.

While the movie as a whole is a poor example of what BDSM/kink/fetish/Dominant-submissive life is like (or at least I hope it is a poor example for most people) it has its moments; and they are all Anastasia’s.

If there is one thing people should take from the movie, it is that it is important for anyone entering any relationship to keep themselves safe and ensure that they know what they are getting into. If your dominant just likes to beat your ass – he/she is probably not a good dominant.

To me, punishment is a mark of failure for the couple, not the submissive. That is not to say that pain play cannot be fun; but it is easy to tell that Anastasia is not having fun; and Grey should have called red for her.

In being safe and sane, Christian Grey has a lot to learn; but he does provide a shining example of what not to be if you want to have a long term relationship built on more than just how much you can connect the penis with the vagina.

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