Submissive Rules – Still #1

It is funny to watch the stats for the blog, the submissive rules page really kicks the crap out of all the other posts we have made.  Usually it is something like 150 people have viewed the rules, 2 people have viewed other pages.

What concerns me is that people look at the rules and use them to create their own without context, so I wanted to add a disclaimer to our situation.

Several years ago my wife came to me and asked to live a submissive life.  The journey has not been as clear cut as the rules may make it seem and there have been times where the rules have been ignored, bent, changed, and modified.

The first and foremost rule is that my submissive is my wife, she is the mother of our children, she takes care of our pets, and she takes care of the home.

Where the complexity comes in is that I am not big on having people do things for me (possibly part of the root of my DIY desire).  So it is tough for her to submit when I have not be solid on requiring things of her.

That being said, the rules are not perfect, we are not perfect, and no she does not get “beaten” each time she breaks the rules because the truth is that the rules that are important are the ones that we have always followed.  Love each other.

I do not view her as secondary to me, she is not a thing to be used, she is my partner, she willingly chose to want to submit and live more of a “1950’s style housewife” life.  We go out, we spend time as a family, and we keep working on the D/s relationship.

So take the rules that we created, sit down with your dominant or your submissive and discuss what works for you.  Do not forget that real life gets in the way.  Think about friends and family, think about work, think about the things you want to improve in yourself.  Make sure those things find their way into your rules.

Then, do not punish yourself for coming up short.  Your first set of rules is likely to be far to ideal and need to be edited down.  Create reasonable expectations and modify the rules as you go.

For example, maybe you as the dominant want your submissive to kneel anytime you enter a room.  That is a good rule; but day one it might be difficult for her to do so when visiting her mom’s house.  Now a few years in she might feel comfortable but it may take time.

The big thing to remember with our rules is that we had been together for more than 10 years before creating them.  If you are single or starting a relationship then the rules will likely be vastly different.  Maybe it is reasonable to expect her to kneel on day one.  Maybe it is not.

Do not let rules become the reason you break up with someone who is amazing, they are a living document and should evolve with your knowledge of D/s and with your relationship.

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2 thoughts on “Submissive Rules – Still #1

  1. Shadow Master says:

    Well said! I will admit that the rules page is how I found your site… But as with any blog it take one page to get me there and once I find a kindred soul I started exploring. I am recently separated and on the slow march to divorce. I had tried halfheartedly to dominate my ex but that didn’t work. She left for many reasons (maybe that was one, but I really don’t know because she isn’t talking about it).

    So I am exploring the idea of being a Dominant and what I want in a submissive, which lead me here. I intend to come back and continue to explore your posts.

    Shadow Master

    • sheforhim says:

      Hopefully we can provide you with some value. We are a fairly relaxed couple in the D/s world, so it will depend on how you want to define the relationship with your submissive.

      There are plenty of women out there that have a wide swath of preferences in the relationship arena (let alone the BDSM arena). Starting from scratch can give you the opportunity to build what you want.

      It is hard to understand what went wrong in a relationship when half the couple will not talk about it.

      Feel free to ask any questions you have. I may not know the answer but might have some resources that help.

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