Trying to Get Caught Up

Whew!  i have been on a roller coaster of emotions and energy the last couple of weeks; first we were dealing with the flu and strep in our oldest child so that was about a week of tending to her needs and putting the Sixty Days of Submission and most of D/s on the back burner.  But once she was recovered and back at school i found myself having a very hard time getting back into our regularly scheduled program; i was really thriving on having a set task each day and because of our oldest being home i had to skip around on the list to find things i could do while having her home with me plus my energy was running very low so i had very little left to give to…well…anything.

So last week i found myself beginning to feel ambivalent towards it all; it didn’t seem like Sir was to concerned whether i was completing tasks or not (though i did have a couple of days where i didn’t get to eat lunch because i forgot to pack His) and i was frustrated with myself that i was forgetting to do things that were already a part of our daily routine (see above) and that stupid little voice of doubt started to creep back in and make me wonder why we were doing any of this; was i the only one who wanted it.

Once i had my pity party i started to reevaluate things and the conclusion i came to is, i do need this.  We were still doing things that made it clear that both of us want this dynamic and that i am much happier, much more connected and much more driven when i am feeling submissive.  But being submissive, being a wife and most of all being a mother is a game of balance and sometimes one role is going to be more prominent than others.  It doesn’t mean that being submissive comes first, it doesn’t mean that being a mom or a wife means i have to be less submissive.  It means i have to learn how to be able to shift between the roles and find the pockets that allow me to be all of those things in each one.

So while i have lost track of exactly what day we are on (it should be 39, technically i think we are about 10 days behind that) here are some of the items i was able to do on the list over the last few weeks: make bread in the bread maker (this was a lot of fun, very simple and i am planning on it becoming a weekly routine), write a blog post about what i can offer Sir (see February 25th for that), volunteer for community service once a month, Masturbate twice in a day but stopping before i came each time (that made for a very cranky day, paint my nails and make sure to maintain them from here on out (Sir is supposed to approve the color but we didn’t do that part).  i did fail to complete my task on Saturday, not for lack of want but i didn’t make time for it; i was supposed to write the word “submissive” on my left breast and post a picture of it so last night i found myself tied up and blindfolded while Sir wrote on both breasts for me.

We are going to have to do a little more shifting around over the next two weeks due to both children being home with me for Spring Break; several tasks i will not be able to complete while they are home but hopefully they can be replaced with others that will work.

His little b

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2 thoughts on “Trying to Get Caught Up

  1. Keep working at it, keep trying, keep failing and keep succeeding. They are all important steps to finding your bliss. As someone who now has older kids, let me tell you it will get easier as they get older. Sir and I are dating again and loving every minute of it. Hold on and survive until then, and you will reap the rewards. 🙂

    • sheforhim says:

      i cherish every little bit of alone time we can get and occasionally Sir can work from home so sometimes we get to play during the day which is wonderful! i love being the primary caregiver to our kids but trying to figure out this balancing act of life can be hard at times. It will be interesting to see how each role evolves as we do.😊

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