Prema Nocta

Keeping the theme of getting started with BDSM or a D/s relationship it seemed like a “First Night” post would be a good follow up to the “Beginner BDSM” post from a few days ago.  The idea again is to keep it simple and move forward at a pace that works for you.

As the dominant, you should:

  • Make a plan.  This does not have to be anything more than a basic outline of what you want to do and it should not be something complicated like using suspension.  Think about starting with something like:
    • 1:  Tie up submissive
    • 2.  Spank submissive
    • 3:  Use a toy on submissive
    • 4:  Blindfold submissive
    • 5:  Lay them down by the fire and make sweet sweet love (via Chef from South Park) or give them the good rough fuck they have wanted.
  • Share the plan with the submissive.  Maybe this is as basic as saying “I am going to spank you and tie you up tonight”.  If you are keeping it simple, there may not be much to discuss but more complex scenes will require discussion and planning between you and your submissive.  The good news is that those conversations will come naturally as your relationship progresses, so do not worry about that for now.  Just make sure you have a way to hold an open conversation.
  • Plan for the plan to fall apart!  You never know quite what is going to happen; sometimes things go amazingly well and you go a bit beyond the plan because both you and your submissive are excited.  Sometimes they go the opposite direction and you end up holding a crying partner.  Be ready for both and use the experience to help improve, refine, and get back at it the next time.

Now, let’s think about this from the submissive’s point of view:

  • Be open minded.  Remember that your Dominant will have your best interests in mind.  If they do not, then you should step back and evaluate if this is the right step in the relationship.  your Dominant should stay within your defined limits and be trying to escalate your pleasure through most of the night.
  • Ask questions.  Not every individual is great at laying out a plan or sharing.  Make sure you are getting the information you need.  I realize that not all relationships will allow this; but there should be some period of time where you can gain the information you want.  Perhaps during foreplay you can ask the right questions or “top from the bottom” enough to get what you need.
  • Get involved.  I know you are the submissive; but that does not mean you are a sack of potatoes.  Find a way to use your words as part of the play to help your Dominant tease and please you.  Just as they should when you are pleasing them.  Does that whip hurt, maybe they are hitting too hard, did your hand just go to sleep?  Make sure there is a way to communicate these things with your Dominant, just as you would want to communicate when something is pleasing “Ooooooohhhh, yessss!  Right there, Sir!!!!

The list here is short, after all it is the first shot at something new and exciting!  Remember to keep everyone safe and start watching your partner as you play.  You will pick up on their signals and learn to adjust to their needs which will improve the play that much more.

Lastly, remember that as people’s bodies come down from a heightened state they need care.  This might mean including in your plan to have some bottled water close at hand, a towel, or just holding them.  Preparation, communication, and aftercare are key parts of a successful prema nocta and all the play times after that.

3 thoughts on “Prema Nocta

  1. This is so thoughtful. It makes something so many of us stumbled through seem less complicated and doable. What a good intro! 🙂

  2. “Preparation, communication, and aftercare” ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY! Love these simple, yet eloquent, step by step instructions. 😉

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