It started out with my weekly dusting routine; I didn’t have a chance to get upstairs finished yesterday so it was first on the list for today.
We have a shelf/shadow box in our bedroom that holds little knickknacks that both of us have acquired over the years; more mine than Daddy’s as I tend to be a horder…I mean sentimentalist.
But as I am now the primary keeper of our house I am finding that having to take the time to take every last item off of every last shelf to dust them as well as the shelf itself is annoying and time consuming. As I looked at the things on the shelf I found myself wondering what really meant something to me up there and what was just there because I was simply holding on to it. I texted Daddy and asked him about a few of the things that belonged to him to see if he wanted to keep them. Two of them he did and the rest he was indifferent to.
So I started to make piles; things that had meaning like the little figurine Daddy gave me for my first birthday that we were dating; a small memory box our oldest child made for me for Mothers Day when she was two; the small clay sculptures Daddy had made when he was little. A pile of things we wanted to keep but needed to find a place elsewhere in the house and finally the things I was ready to let go of; including the shelf itself.
I moved onto the shelves in our hallway that had my doll collection and various trophies and medals. Again I began making piles and by the end everything I decided to keep fit on two small shelves.
I expected to have a hard time letting go of all of these things; many of them I had been holding onto since childhood. But I found myself feeling free almost; there were memories in everything I had let go of but the things that remained were the important ones.
And suddenly I realize it was time to start decluttering myself. I tend to hold onto a lot; anger, hurt, sadness and sometimes those block out the worthwhile thoughts and memories. Prior to meeting Daddy I was involved in an emotionally abusive relationship and all of that baggage often clouded my relationship with him; even eighteen years later. Those weren’t the only things I needed to let go off; the guilt and anger I have felt towards Daddy in the past prior to our dynamic shift, the years of pushing him away and the dislike I have towards myself.
I view the change our relationship has taken as a freeing thing. We are much more open with each other, we are willing to work on the things that strengthen us, I am finding myself wanting to move beyond boundaries. It is helping me let go and focus on what brings me happiness and what matters most. I won’t be able to declutter everything at once; but I’m sorting through and making piles.