I have been wondering lately if I have been doing everything I can as a dominant. I do not feel that I am providing the guidance and correction that my submissive wife desires.
To set the story, there are background reasons behind this, a lot of our relationship was more of a frozen sexual ground. she was not getting the emotional support she needed and I was not getting the physical support I needed. The two fed off of each other. The reasons on both sides run deep, to our cores.
Now we made the move into D/s and my leadership style is to set a goal and let the individual determine how they are going to get there. I do not want to micromanage.
The problem is that does not work for D/s. I am finding it requires an amount of micromanagement to be successful.
I need to be aware of the feelings and emotions my submissive is carrying as much as possible. I need to be more open and verbal. I need to work with her to find the ways to help her and I improve as individuals, a couple and as Dominant and submissive.
One of the things I think I need is a support structure. I need an impartial third party in the D/s community to talk to and discuss the Dominant role. So I am going to look locally and try and follow useful individuals on Twitter and discuss things with them. I am going to build myself a support structure so I can be the the Dominant my wife deserves.
In the end, I have to stop making Dominance about myself and make it about her. How can I move us along? How can I help her achieve her goals so that we can become more as a couple?
Things to think on and discuss for this guy.
… You saw me hide my phone, because I was writing this; and I did not want you to see it yet.
To my wife,
You are everything that I need, beautiful, intelligent, and the giver of life to our family.
You tolerate my insanity and put up with my “adventures”.
I am the lucky one in our relationship because you said yes so many years ago.
Now I have the opportunity to wade through a new adventure with you in our decision to me Dominant and submissive.
You may think you are the lucky one; but having you kneel before me, look up at my eyes and say “Yes, Daddy” is the most amazing gift.
I am blessed to be your husband and dominant.
I love you.
Last night Daddy gave me the task of blogging about my goals for the year. Thankfully he has said it can be an ongoing list as I hope to continue to grow and evolve as the year goes on. A couple of weeks ago I had a major emotional breakdown and was at a point where I was ready to walk away from D/s for a while until I could figure out exactly what I was looking for.
But the more I thought about it the more I realized that so much of what I have become; so much of what we have become together is enmeshed with D/s. I crave so much of it that I think I would feel worse if it wasn’t a part of our life.
So one of my main goals is to do without questioning; I have a list of expectations and I do fairly well at adhering to them but it is harder when my depression is at its worst; and I think that is when I need the limits the most because they provide me security and consistency.
I am also working on trying more things sexually that I have been resistant to; once upon a time pre-children I enjoyed being on the receiving end of oral sex but over time I found myself bothered by it. I know it is something Daddy enjoys immensely and so I am pushing myself to keep trying it because I know it brings him pleasure.
I suppose the other goal I am working toward is blogging more. I still find it somewhat strange to share my innermost thoughts with strangers but I also know that those that visit the blog and comment regularly are very insightful and are sharing journies similar to ours. We can all learn from each other; I love to read other people’s writings because I often find I walk away with a sense of feeling that we are not alone and often I learn more about myself.
So this is the beginning of my list; I can’t wait to see what I am able to accomplish and add as the year goes on.
His little b