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If submission is the teammate of Dominance then intelligence is the spoil of victory.It is tempting to look at images of BDSM and sadomasochistic pornography and assume that a submissive or masochist must be either weak willed or feeble of mind and heart to allow someone to use and even abuse them is such a manner. After all, what strong-minded or self-assured woman would submit themselves to the physical and emotional subjugation and even humiliation depicted in such imagery? Clearly there must be something wrong with a person who allows themselves, nay even seeks out, such treatment. But not so fast, there is much more than meets the eye.
It is true that domineering men who hide their insecurities behind bluster, bravado or even violence often seek out weak or meek women as not only their foil but also sadly their emotional and physical punching bags. It is tragic and sadly all too common throughout the world in all forms of “relationships,” vanilla and BDSM alike. Often such men want nothing more than a human lap dog that will dutifully stand by their side regardless of behavior only to be kicked, ignored, and emotionally malnourished. The domineering prick wants the illusion of control to shine through for everyone around them to see as a boost to their fragile ego but never wants to be outshone or upstaged. They want their dog healing and panting at their side when it is convenient to them and out of sight and mind when it is not. Its a sad state of affairs all around and particularly for dependent or even codependent women who are subjected to and nearly held prisoner by such domineering behavior. Sadly, there are many of these domineering men who pose as Dominants and candidly give the BDSM and D/s community a bad rap.
So let me be clear. A Dominant has no need for, nor a desire for, a lap dog. Nothing could be more painfully boring or unfulfilling to a Dominant than a codependent or weak willed or minded lap dog of a submissive. A great part of the reward of submission to a Dominant is that it must be earned from a very worthy source. It may even be an outright challenge. By this I do not mean the brat submissive who is really a top and challenges every move a Dominant makes seeking to find the “One” who is tough enough to beat her at her own game. That is really just Dominance or more likely domineering in disguise. I am referring to patiently and lovingly earning the submission of a woman who is strong, intelligent, self-assured, capable, as well as beautiful, sensual, and sexually adventuresome. That is where true reward lies.
When I look down at my submissive kneeling before me I do not wish to see a cowering dog. No, I want to see the glimmer of intelligence in her eye, the knowing look that she could be anything she wants to be in this life but chooses to be here, at my feet. I want to know that she appreciates my own intellect and can match it step for step. I want a challenge not only from her body but also her mind. I want to have to work for the submission I receive. Not fight over it, earn it. I want a submissive worthy of my Dominance every bit as much as I strive to be worthy of her submission. Ultimately I want a partner who is as interesting and challenging to talk with, go places with, and experience life with as she is sexy, submissive, devoted, and serving. I want her to push me as much as I push her. I want a partner, not an automaton.
But I am a guy and like most men can be visually driven. I would be lying if I did not say that looks matter to me, that appearance plays a significant role in attraction. But looks alone only draw me closer in curious exploration and no more. Sexiness, sensuality, and overall attraction do not come from appearance alone. They are a state of mind. And there is nothing more sexy and sensual to me than a highly intelligent woman who is confident and curious about life, herself, her sexuality and other people. An outgoing, intelligent, articulate and confident woman combined with a natural curiosity and desire for exploring and enhancing her sensuality is a lethal combination for me. Add a touch of submissiveness or even a desire to submit and I am slain. The secret sauce though is in the heart and mind.
An intelligent Dominant will always seek an equally intelligent submissive. They desire a partner to dance the D/s dance with who is challenging (not combative), yet devoted. The rewards of submission are commensurate with the effort. Intelligence combined with sensual beauty is a prize worth every ounce of effort a Dominant can muster. Ultimately, when my Muse outshines me and is the center of everyone else’s attention and focus it is not an affront to me but instead perhaps the ultimate compliment. For it is a submissive who shows for all to see exactly what sort of Dominant they they kneel before.
Originally posted on July 23, 2013
Caption © For The Love of a Submissive, 2013