Relaunch

It’s funny as I look back through the blog and see the different posts about starting over or trying again and I wonder if those are really the right words.

In every relationship, be it two people, a person and a sport, or a boy and his dog, I think that people can get distracted and lose focus.  I suspect this is the reason holidays like Valentine’s Day were created – to help us to remember to focus on those in our lives who are important.

Life, with its up and downs, activities, kids, cats, books, work, and carpet cleaners tends to get us scattered and occupied in ways that make it difficult to achieve some of our goals.

Because of the daily grind we can lose that focus, we can create complexity in our lives. 

It is important that we are always looking to “relaunch” our love life.  To make it something new and exciting every so often.

This is not specific to D/s or even to a vanilla relationship.  It is deeper than that, it speaks to our need to do new things, to try something else, to explore more.  Humans (in general) need to stay active, be creative, challenge themselves so that every day we are a bit stronger, wiser, or just better focused on those things that are important to us.

Sometimes this comes at a cost; and hopefully that cost is worth it.  That cost might be less time spent with some people, less time focused on work, or less time doing your own thing.

If you are lucky enough to have kids and a loving spouse than these sacrafices will almost always be worth it if you are able to focus more on them as a result of a change.

I like the idea of “relaunch”.  I think it should be a part of everyone’s relationship and you should work at always improving.

As Curtis Zimmerman said, our lives are a stage, friends and family must have starring roles!

So I encourage you all to think of ways you can relaunch your relationships everyday.  Maybe it is in a small way like picking a flower for your wife or taking a walk with your boyfriend (possibly not at the same time).

Keep things moving forward, be better tomorrow than you are today.

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Every Day a Dominance: Submissive Confidence

It seems obvious that as a domiant you have to be confident.  What may be a bit harder to understand is you have to be confident as a submissive as well.

Image your domiant asks you to do something but you cannot bring yourself to do it because you are scared that someone might see you or that you could be judged.

What if someone catches you having sex in a parking lot? 

Both dominant and submissive have to measure the risk and reward of their actions.  While we might carry fear with us, it is important to look at what we want and need then control our fear by measuring the risk (what if my friends find out that I like BDSM?) vs. the reward (I really like subspace, I feel free there).

Most often our fears are unfounded.  Some people might judge you, but they are most likely asking themselves, I wish I had what she has!

As a submissive you have to be willing to step out of your comfort zone.  You have to take her your dominant.

Meditation and using small tasks to build up to bigger tasks can help you to face that fear, practice things on your own if you can.  Find a place you feel safe to do things that are riskier than you have done in the past, such as masturbating in your car or office.

D/s should be about freeing yourself from all the things we let control us.  Set yourself a long term goal and start working towards it in conjunction with your dominant.  Make sure they unstand your goal, your hesitations, and your desires.

-Sir

Well, That Could Have Turned Interesting

An elderly woman noticed my public collar as I walked into the gym this morning and was asking me about it; she thought it was very pretty and interesting.

I told her it was made from chain mail and that my husband had chosen it for me.  She didn’t know what chain mail was so I explained it to her.  She looked at it and the Warrior Dash shirt I had on which had the Viking horns on it and said, “Oh, so are the two of you into Renissance stuff”?

I almost said, “No; BDSM”.

But I smiled and said it was just meaningful to us both.
His little b

Every Day a Domiance: Day Three

Control.

It is very sexy.  Women tend to crave a man who is not afraid to take control, who will growl in her ear as he calls her all those naughty words she never thought she would need to hear.

How does one gain control?  How do you keep it?  The answer is there really is two ways.

The first is that we can take it.  Historically this has been the cause of a significant number of issues across large groups of people and it tends to lead us to think of slaves and things that are a bit darker.  

The more likely way is to be given control.  This is a consensual action and gives both parties something they want.  The Dominant gets the power they crave and the submissive gets the control and guidance they desire.

There is a fine line between the two.  One can accept control but then go to far and find that they have taken more than they should.

On the other hand, you can end up not taking as much as the submissive wants you to take.

The best solution is to talk, to understand what the next steps are.  How have things been going this week?  Should we step up to another level?

Control is a tricky thing, you have to be open, honest, and careful to ensure that everyone is happy and that things are going as expected.

The truth is that control is really an illusion.  What you have is a group of people that agree on something and do things together.  If someone gets “crazy” then that control can be lost when a breakup, mutiny or other event occurs.

So you have to keep that communication level up and make sure that you are sharing the things your partner needs to know to retain control.  Much like a manager has to provide details to their  employees for them to be successful as a team.

Think of a D/s relationship the way you view what you wish you got from your manager at work.  Try and provide those things for your partner(s) and make sure they enjoy your hand on their ass 😈.

-Sir

Every Day a Dominance: Day Two

We went to the indoor pool yesterday and I saw a woman in one of those cut side swimsuits.  You have probably seen them or maybe you even own one.  

The problem is that the suit really only works if you are in good shape and have been blessed with an ample upper set of… As my animal health teacher called them, “fat bags”.
If you do not know the swimsuit I am talking about, they look like this: 

 
They usually require some Photoshopping to make them attractive because your body really has to curve in between the open spaces and let’s face it, not everyone has that supermodel body. 

Anyway, the woman is there with her family or friends and I caught myself judging her based on the swimsuit.

What I thought was not as important as what I realized…  As a dominant, no… as a human being I should look to find the positives in people.  As a dominant it should be my goal is to take a person and help them become better.

It is really the same goal that any leader should have, empowering and improving those who work for us or with us.

That task is a bit modified for a submissive as  we are not only molding them to what they want to be but also what we feel they should be; and usually we are fucking them.  Which might be the key difference between leading in the office and leading at home.

So I looked at the woman and identified some traits about her that were good.  She looked and acted like a caring mother, she had nice legs, she was taking the time to talk to a friend.

I felt better after doing that, I felt less annoyed at the swimsuit maker.  After all, if she liked the suit then I support her decision to wear it.  My preference should have no bearing on her decisions.

Taking that positive approach helped me the rest of the day as well; and finding good things about people is really what we should do no matter what role we play in a relationship.

-Sir

Every Day a Dominance

I am reading the book “Every Day Is a Holiday”  by George Mahood.  It is an attempt to celebrate a holiday every day such as National Work Naked Day or National Ice Cream Day.

These holidays are posted out on lots of different websites; and the book gave me an idea for a series of posts.

The idea is that each day we can work on our dominance or submissiveness to improve who we are as an individual in a relationship.

For me, that means working on my Dominance to better guide the woman who is my submissive.  For me, I view dominance in the same way that I view leadership.  I believe you set a goal and it is up to the submissive to determine how to achieve that goal.

If they elect to not do what they have agreed to it says to me that they do not truly want to be that submissive and that while a series of punishments might help them to correct their actions there is more than enough evidence to contradict that assumption.

So we as individuals have to do our best and hope that our partners will do the same.

My firsts act of this idea was to meditate and focus on… nothing.  The plan was to let things naturally flow and see what percolated to the top.

At first it was a lot of noise, the standard thoughts about the day, how the bank balance was doing, what was the right thing to do later in the day, etc.  The thoughts that run through everyone’s mind.

Eventually thoughts dissipated and I was listening to the sound of my breathing and thinking of nothing at all (at least consciously).  I enjoyed the escape and release from my normal pattern of thinking and when I was done I felt clearer and more focused.

The Dominant a Day lesson is that meditation is not just a submissive tool.  Powerful people all over the world meditate to help them clear away mental clutter.  As a domiant you may choose to use a different pose than what you ask your submissive to maintain; but everyone can benefit from meditation.  It helps us to align and keep our attention on the thing(s) that matter.

Take advantage of the power of meditation to help you be a better domiant and an all around better person.

-Sir