The Dom!

Here’s the deal.  Are you looking for a guide that tells you what a dominant is and what they are not?  Well… The good news is there are a bunch of books and guides out there that will provide compelling arguments about the author’s opinion of either a dominant or a submissive.

The bad news… While they cover things like safe, sane, consensual, and loving, respecting… A whole list of adverbs… It just isn’t true.

The truth is there is no guide to being the perfect dominant.  First because there is no way to be perfect; and second because someone is right for submissive A does not mean they are right for submissive B.

A daddy is not a master just as much as a baby girl is not a slave.

We live in a world where you can find people that call doggies style on the table  while spanking BDSM and those that want to be hung up by their nipples while a candle burns in their ass and someone performs surgery on their legs while spitting in their mouth and insulting the family pet.

So if there is a wide range to what makes us excited it is impossible that any single person could define “the perfect dom”.

I see it all the time though, people post memes and tweet about the perfect dom or sub and while it is idealistic that some billionaire that always wears suits is going to have the sadistic tendencies that match your machostic desires the truth is most likely different.

You (be it sub or dom) will likely find someone you like talking too and then move into the bedroom (or the other way around after some drinks).  Then you hang out more and get to know each other growing as a couple and becoming better together as you learn and understand each other’s needs.

In the end, you can build the relationship you want and books will help; but both dom and sub will have to work at it so they can create the relationship that works for them.

If you find that, and everything you do is consensual, fun, and does not impact non-consenting parties, keep it up, you are doing just fine!

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3 thoughts on “The Dom!

  1. It seems that a lot of people are just looking for a script, either as a place to begin or as a standard about which they can complain and/or pretend to be superior to. I see this in a lot of professions, too–not just relationships. People are so afraid to be themselves that they want someone to tell them what to do! But you’re right; what works for one couple may not work for another. Be honest about what you want and where you’re starting from, and eventually it all comes together!

    • sheforhim says:

      I agree; that is where those books come in. You can find some good examples out there. We never found a good book on how to go from a long term “vanilla” relationship to a 24/7 D/s relationship so we have had to wing a lot of it.

      People love instant gratification instead of the value of the journey.

      • I am still looking for a good book. I’ve read a lot of highly recommended books that were basically just someone describing their personal adventures…which, while entertaining, were not helpful. I am, however, a quick student and fairly talented at the “wing it” method!

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