Having Trouble Being Dominant?

Try ballroom dancing together.  Someone has to lead.  The experience can help build confidence in yourself, in leading, and you can learn to dance as an added benefit!

Of course it will not directly translate to other things in life, but confidence is a funny thing… develop it one place and you can feel more confident in everything you do or try.

3 thoughts on “Having Trouble Being Dominant?

  1. Daddy JD says:

    Baby girl and I started ballroom dance lessons. Believe me it has improved our relationship. The subtle techniques of controlling her movement. The energy of the dance carries over it everything. Its a license to be very sensual in public.

  2. Malice Alice says:

    I was not able to find a post on aftercare. Time permitting, could you please write down your thoughts and/or suggestions on aftercare. I would appreciate any resources or advice you could extend in my direction. Thank you.

    Miss H

    • sheforhim says:

      Excellent question! After care is quite the important bit. For everyone involved.

      Most commonly we focus on the submissive, allowing them to come down/up (depending on your point of view) softly back into reality.

      The old joke about “if she can walk to the kitchen to make you a sandwich, then you failed” may be quite accurate in the case of heavy play.

      You may actually find that both the dominant and submissive are not in a place where they can run out and grab a Gatorade from the kitchen.

      If you plan to get into some heavy play, be like George Kastanza (spelling?) from Seinfeld. Have some water or whatever you need close.

      After care is about the more aware (most often the dominant) helping their partner(s) to return to a functional level in a caring way.

      This might be holding them for a while, reminding them it is OK to cry, getting them a stuffed animal, or making jokes.

      As a couple you will find the dynamic that works for you.

      Like having a pair of scissors close when using ropes, you should be prepared to provide after care if you were willing to create the scene that generates the need for such recovery.

      The simple fact is, many people feel insecure or emotional after any type of intercourse, with BDSM that can be significantly multiplied by the loss of control and trust you put in your partner(s).

      After care is something ever dominant should be ready to give and every submissive should make sure is going to happen before saying “Yes, you can beat me for an hour while wrapping me up with live snakes.”

      Not that I specially encourage you to involve snakes…

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