Question: How Do You Get Started?

I was reading this article today ( and came across a line that I think is important (among a lot of lines that I enjoyed).

“Ease into it”.  A lot of people have trouble going (as my wife likes to say) from “0 to 60” overnight.  So we have to plan and take that into consideration.

One of the things that worked for us was to create a 30/60/90 day plan.  Set objectives and work towards them.  Then review your progress, evaluate the goals, and adjust as needed.

For example, let’s say you decide that you want to have a threesome at 120 days.  Maybe you get two months in and realize that is no longer something you want.  Reset your goals along the way and you will find that your communication improves and your relationship grows right along with it.

Keep your goals simple at first, for a D/a couple maybe it is the submissive has to wait at the door when the Dominant is arriving home.  If it is a bedroom thing, start with blindfolds and work your way up to leather and a sex swing.

Find a pace that is comfortable for you as a couple.  



There is no “Wrong”

When I sit back and look at the friends I have made in life, the list is amazingly eclectic.  From the right to the left I spend time with people who cover the gambit of religious and political spectrums; and I always find it interesting the dislike people have for someone who believes differently than they do.

Imagine a world where we all believed the same thing.  It would be boring.  We need our differences, we need our healthy friction, and we need friends and family that see things differently than we do.

Their ideas, their lives are not wrong.  They are different.   Unless they are actually breaking the law…

If someone believes that vanilla sex is the right thing for them, that is amazing.  Because you can have a spiritual and emotional connection with someone through vanilla sex.

If someone believes they need to have their nails pulled out and be lit on fire while 12 guys violate them, also amazing, because it is what they want/need.

When we find acceptance of others, we validate and accept ourselves.  To me, part of BDSM is accepting people for who they are, not how I preceive them; and it is at times a humbling experience that we all need to experience!

Take sometime in 2017 to understand someone you know who sees things differently.  You might just find yourself richer for the experience.


November 2016

Well… we have not posted in a while and sitting here in the gym on the exercise bike stretching out my legs I have the chance to watch “election” coverage and to post.

I look at our choices and wonder, how did we get to this point?  How did we let reality TV become more important than reality.

We now live in a world where Donald Trump represents the moral values of 50% of the country; and Hillary Clinton the other half (give or take a small amount for Jill Stein and Gary Johnson).

Really?  Is this a Twilight Zone episode?  When did the American people become so blind as to vote between two people that represent everything wrong with our country?

I wish us all luck November 8th.  Make sure whoever you vote for you have researched their past.  If you are voting based on news headlines then you are part of the problem, and please stay home.  You have the right to vote; but you have the obligation to the country to be an educated voter.  


Dom Tips (1.0)

– If you expect your submissive to invest, you must match or exceed their energy and focus on the relationship.

– Stop calling it “punishment”!  We are correcting actions  we do not like, not punishing people.  It is correction.

– Make punishment part of play.  That is where that word belongs.

– Limits exist for a reason.  Push them, but do not break them.  Let you submissive come to the realization that some of their limits are holding them back.


– Be creative.  Try new things as rewards, corrections, play/scene time, and in your every day actions.

– Give what you get.  Do not expect your submissive to give if all you do is take.  That is not how it works.

Ask yourself…

Why do we accept that we live in a world where we need to have “gay clubs” or “black clubs”?

I absolutely get that the it is not that simple; that sometimes you want those things.

But does it not feel like our world has them because we “have too”?

Maybe it is like having a biker bar and a cowbo bar and I am seeing deamons where there are none; but it is sad to me that you cannot walk into a room and just be accepted.



I stole this image from Twitter, which means it is probably on a thousand websites; but it makes a good point.

Judgement of another is a dangerous path.  It is not that far from “I can’t believe they do that in the bedroom” to “I can’t believe that <insert racial slur> was so slow to check me out today.  Typical…”

Our society tends to judge anything that is different instead of looking for the ways to bridge our understanding.  

What if we looked for a way to just not care what others do?  Imagine that world where we could do what we want so that we no longer have to live in fear of being judged.

Now… The one exception is that we have to watch for hate.  We have to protect people from abuse.  A bruise might be a night that was fun or it might be a fist that keeps her quiet.

Friends support friends getting spanked for fun, not hit for anger.