Dom Tips

I receive emails from the folks over at The BDSM Training Academy.

Check out their site at the link below!  They have some great ideas here and on their website.

Combining a physical relaionship of any type with a family makes it difficult.  Adding in some ropes, chains, whips, benches, and more can be very tricky.

I like to hide things in plain sight.  A workbench is a good duel purpose surface; and workout areas often have hooks in the ceilings.

Drop ceilings can also hide a lot of things!

=========================================BDSM Slave Training Tips:

Who Says You Can’t Have Kids and a BDSM Relationship?

Here is a question I received recently:

Hi Mistress Sophia and Master Bishop,
I have absolutely loved all the emails you have sent and learned so much from each.
There is one problem that my husband and I are having and that is that we have three children, but we want to experience more within our Dom/sub relationship.

We have just started exploring bdsm within our relationship, but I don’t want our children to know about it.

How do you live this lifestyle without exposing your children to it?

Here Are My Comments:

I can understand your concern, as children or anyone under the age of 18 years old should never be exposed to bdsm and/or other adult activities.

When it comes to a spicier sex life, you’re going to be taking some risks. With BDSM, the risks are even higher, though the rewards are just as great. But when you have kids, can you still have the BDSM you crave? After all, with the screaming, spanking, and sweating, is their a greater chance of your children finding out?

The simple answer is no. With careful planning and some creativity, you can still have the BDSM relationship you want – and your children won’t know.


Turn Up the Volume


One of the easiest ways to keep your children from hearing anything you’re doing is to turn up your radio, CD, or mp3 player while you’re having fun. True, this might also attract a little more attention to your play times, but your children would much rather be hearing Enigma a little too loudly than someone screaming. Of course, that is what gags are for.

Find Your Own Space


Ideally, your bedroom or your play area should be as far away from the kids as you can get it. If you can move your bedroom to another room, that might help to cut down the noise a bit more.

Basements and first floor bedrooms are ideal for louder sessions.

You will also want to install a lock on your bedroom door that is not easy to pry. This way, your children can stay outside of the room until you are dressed and ready to see them.

Of course if your children are not old enough to take care of themselves then they should never be left unattended. Nighttime while your kids sleep is a good opportunity for play without them knowing.

Scheduling Sessions


If possible, you can always schedule your BDSM time for times when your children are not around or awake. This way, you can minimize anything they hear while you have your own fun.

Or you can take your BDSM activities to play clubs where no one but other BDSM lovers will be witnessing your domination and submission times. You can even plan a nice bdsm get away with your partner while the grandparents babysit for the weekend.

Under the Radar Submission


Of course, sometimes, you want to maintain your submissive and dominant roles, even when you’re not in the bedroom, but can you really say ‘yes sir’ and ‘no ma’am’ when you’re around the kids?

If you’re nervous that your children are going to catch on, you might want to employ different signals for submission in the public eye. For example, if the sub is out of line, there might be a special word or touch the dominant can use to warn them of their misdeed. The sub might also play a role of the subservient one in the family situations – cooking, cleaning, etc. – to help continue their service to their Dom/me.


Create an Emergency Plan


Some parents may not be too thrilled to think about separate areas for their play times or about a lock on their bedroom door – what if there is an emergency? Have your children learn a special way to attract attention at your door if there actually is an emergency so that everyone can stay safe.

Other Tips for Keeping Things Hidden


* Have a lock box or locked cupboard for your toys
* Never bruise or mark your partner somewhere the children might see

* Never be physically abusive in front of the children, even if it’s in fun. Children will not be able to tell the difference.

If you are ‘caught,’ explain that everything is okay and that no one is hurt. That’s really all children need to know. They actually don’t need to know the details about why you’re into BDSM in the first place.

Having a BDSM relationship can be difficult when you’re sharing a home with children, but it’s certainly not impossible. BDSM doesn’t have to be 24/7, just enjoy every opportunity when you can.


I hope that answers the question.

Keep your eyes peeled for the next edition which will arrive in a few weeks!
To learn more tips and ideas on how to incorporate bdsm training into your life visit:
**Please Note: The BDSM Training team only provides opinion about the safe, sane and consensual performance of bdsm and/or other adult activities. This means that bdsm and/or other adult activities are at all times to only be performed with consenting adults. An adult being anyone over 18+ years of age or the legal age in your state/country.

BDSM and/or other adult activities can never be performed with anyone under the age of 18 years old.

Mistress Sophia
Master Bishop
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Copyright 2008 The BDSM Training Academy. By reading and accepting this article you agree to all of the following: You understand that this is simply a set of opinions, personal experience and anecdotal evidence (and not advice). You are responsible for any use of the information in this article, and hold The BDSM Training Academy and all members and affiliates harmless in any claim or event.

Building the Bench

One thing that I like is finding fun surprises at the hardware store. When I came across this I envisioned this:


The project took a couple of hours (if you ignore stain drying time) and cost about 150 dollars (once you include a few accessories I added in.

The table was 80 dollars.
The padding was 10 dollars.
The fabric was 30 dollars
Then I bought some metal pipes for about 30 dollars.

The process was:

First the table had to be cut down a little, my lovely wife was not tall enough to bend over the prefabricated height.



Then I reattached the bottom support and added foam padding.

After that, I added marine vinyl and five anchor points on both long sides as well as some at the ends.

I also added some piping to allow me to restrain the hands beyond the bed and the legs in the air.

The combination opens up a lot of options to expand playtime.

The last bit is a part I have not picked up yet, a crank to stretch my wife out on; turning the bench into a midevil rack.


As part of the reloading process, I have developed / improved /modified the rules based on the first go round (actually this was my fourth draft).  I still think there is room for improvement but it would not be much of an adventure if we got it right the first time!

The new rules are posted and I created what I call “The Ten Commandments“.  A list of the over-arching guidelines and things that I thought were important to the foundation of our D/s relationship.  The core of which are trust and love (at least in a relationship where you have been together for many years and have kids, pets, and a mortgage).

The Seven Fundamentals of Being a Master

I came across this article on the fundamentals of being a Master. The article has some valid points although I disagree with several of the points such as having to attend a BDSM event.

You should not have to attend some gathering; but I do agree that you will get a good deal of value out of finding people you can learn from and talk with.

Reading, learning to use your tools/toys, and knowing what it means to be a master are all important. Finding the right mix of these fundamentals will be a personal choice.

Another good tool to learn how to be a master is learning a martial art. Instructors there will act like a D/s master in many ways.

Talking with your sub and becoming the master that is appropriate for both of you is the best way to set your own set of fundamentals.