Submissive’s Rules

Hello all, and welcome to our list of rules.  If you are new to D/s and are using this to help create your own set of submissive rules we encourage you to review our post on “Beginner BDSM“.  There are somethings here that are harder to maintain than others, so start with a smaller set and work up to the list that you want over time.

A series of small successes will always beat large failures.

The following are rules for the submissive, herein known as “she”.  These rules are to be followed at all times when it is socially and acceptable.  Such times will be determined by Him.

  • Safety
    • A safe word will be used to protect her as we grow through the D/s relationship.
    • A limit is defined as something to be pushed and explored.
    • Work, children, and educational endeavors override all rules.
  • General
    • When He enters a room, she is to kneel when appropriate.   When inappropriate she is to reach out and make physical contact.  If that is not possible, she is to make eye contact.
    • The schedule will be maintained online, if it is not found there, it does not exist.
    • she will blog at least weekly, this can be her feelings, current events, or a fantasy story.
    • she will meditate and keep a journal daily.
    • she will sit at His’ feet, unless given permission to do otherwise.
    • she will be available and prepared for sexual service whenever He wishes.
  • Caring for Him
    • He will be addressed as “Sir” when possible.
    • As His alarm clock, she will wake him up by sucking His cock.
    • she will wash him.
    • she will record all purchases on the day they are made in the appropriate application.
    • she will ask “Sir, do you have any needs that I may serve or may I get into bed?”
  • Home Responsibilities
    • she is the primary person responsible for the cleanliness of the home.  It is expected to be kept neat and organized.  Counters are to be clear of clutter, laundry completed, and the gardens well kept.  The family will work with her to keep the home in top shape.
    • she will maintain a list of projects she would like to see completed and they will be discussed and timelines set around them.
    • she will wash, fold, iron and put away His clothes so He is prepared for the day.
    • she will kneel and present her leather collar without asking after the children have gone to bed or when children are not home.
  • Clothing
    • At all times she will maintain her uniform.  In private this will consist of  a leather collar.  In public, this is a decorative collar.
    • she is encouraged to show off her body through the use of provocative clothing.  He prefers this; but understands that she is not [yet] comfortable doing so.
    • When sleeping, she will either sleep naked or wear a night gown.
  • Shopping
    • All purchases will be pre-planned, shopping lists and a budget will be created.  Purchases will be restricted to the shopping list.
    • she has the freedom to make financial choices around the well being of our children; but will report those choices immediately.
    • Any purchase over 25 dollars must be approved by Him.
    • Any purchase over 50 dollars by He or she will be discussed by both parties.
  •  Sexual
    • He is deviant in His sexual ways.  she will work hard to encourage this through words and actions.
    • Bondage and spankings are not always to be considered correctional in nature.
    • Playtime will occur at least twice a week regardless of schedule.
    • Maintenance spankings will be used.
  • Correction
    • The stool will be used for correction.  He will tell her how to position herself on the stool.
    • Correction will be explained prior to being enacted.
    • Correction will be delivered immediately, if in public this will not involve the stool but another form of correction.

This document will be modified at any time by Him and any updates will be communicated to her prior to being required.

Updated – 28 December 2015.

98 thoughts on “Submissive’s Rules

  1. MseGee says:

    Thank you. Found this very helpful…juste entering the role of D and needed a little guidance for ‘HER’

    • sheforhim says:

      Glad to help, we are fairly new to it as well and are still working through the kinks (pun possibly intended).

      Having kids living in the house adds to the challenge of time, rnergy, and space to play.

  2. Sub K says:

    Thank you for posting this. I have been a sub for many years and found this very wonderful.

  3. Long Chiply says:

    My master has trained abd diciplined me by sucking and bitting my breast excessively. He doesn’t allow me to wear a bra in our home and throughout the day he will grab my breast and bite. I fully obey him and because of the constant bitting my breast are scarred with his teeth and I feel greatfull to be permanently marked by my husband.

  4. Lisa McMillan says:

    I find these rules very important and on point with our D/s lifestyle that we choose to live. Thank you for helping me and all the others in our same position.

  5. sheforhim says:

    Hello everyone, I have been watching the site stats for a while and this page tends to be the most popular page of the entire site (other than for one day when I posted the “Building the Bench” article. One thing I wanted to add to this post is that these rules are a guideline for us. It is probably time for US to review them; and creating a set of rules really depends on your structure.

    As a married couple who is moving (or moved into) a D/s relationship it was important that we maintained the key things that made our relationship special and that my life did not become the effort to micro-manage her life.

    The rules we created are about balance; and everyone’s experience will have a different balance point. If you are a dominant and creating a checklist or a set of rules for someone you have not met that might be a much stricter set of rules.

    For me, I am easy going. Creating a D/s structure has been “tough” for me because my inclination is to forgive. So keep your personalities in mind as you design a set of rules and structure for your life; and aim for balance!

  6. Jules says:

    Thank you so much Sir this really helped me to please my Master!

    • sheforhim says:

      I am glad to hear it helped; remember that these are a base set of rules that should be adapted to your situation. Using them as they are may not be of much value to anyone 🙂

  7. Chile says:

    whoever made this bul—– is obviously a narcissistic male and has no f–king respect for women, this is completely sexist and wrong.

    • sheforhim says:

      Hello Chile, thank you for the response – do not let it be said that we do not appreciate any and all input and in many cases I would agree with you. However, these rules were not written by an individual but by a married couple and were agreed upon. Nothing in this set of rules or website has ever been forced on my wife. That would be the difference between a consensual relationship in which an individual elects to be a submissive under a dominant and an abusive relationship. If these rules (or any set of rules) were forced on an individual then I would absolutely agree with your statement.

      These rules, while specific to my wife, are not significantly different than submissive rules you would find for a male in most relationships. They are, however, significantly less “offensive” then many rule sets I have seen.

      The truth is that in the real world, we often find that we are not able to follow the rules as often as we would like. This is not specifically a failure; but just the case of life (family, children, neighbors, lawn care, activities, and all the things everyone of us do daily) being more important that a set of rules.

      I think that if you look at any BDSM set of rules you are likely to see some parts that are sexist and possibly “wrong” based on your personal beliefs. I know that I have found many people’s rules to be that way myself.

      – Sir

      P.S. Since your second comment was just another profanity based rant, I did delete it. If you feel like having a conversation without the berating comments then I would be happy to discuss further. If you feel you need to submit additional obscenities… I will edit the ones that are passable or delete them.

      • Chile says:

        I do apologize for what I wrote yesterday, I was reading something online and then looked up D/s rules and this came up, people are free to believe and participate in what they choose, I do appreciate you being so understanding toward my comment and I will not disrespect this lifestyle again. Thanks.

      • sheforhim says:

        I absolutely understand! If I happened to land on a page like this and just read the rules I would be right there with you. Do you have any questions I can address? I am not an expert or anything but I/we can share our experiences. There is nothing wrong with having strong feelings about something, respect for women (or skin color, sexual preference, etc.) is a big problem in the world today.

        There are plenty of bad examples out there in any part of our society (D/s or otherwise).

        Within D/s I have read some things that I find crazy (like age play or animal play) so I cringe when I read some things too!


    • Miss understood says:

      Submission is choice never forced

    • siansrathore says:

      I once was in a D/s relationship in which I was the Domme and he was the submissive. We agreed upon a contract similar to this one, with a lot of focus on Me being in charge of pretty much everything in his day to day life. Not all D/s relationships have the woman as the submissive.

    • Tasha says:

      Hunny some of us like this. Although d/s isnt for everyone , i fully submit and obey my daddy. He is king and the boss and i love it! Btw theyre are male subs too as well as madams(female doms).

      • sheforhim says:

        All of your points are valid, there are indeed male subs and female dominants that go by dozens of titles, everything from Madam to Mommy is covered just as there are dozens of titles for any role we find ourselves in through life 🙂

  8. Tracey says:

    Thank you for your clear description of the rules and guidelines that you have set out. I understand my Master needs to draw this contract up.
    My master and I are very very new to this and are seeking as much knowledge as possible to learn and grow together.
    Where can we find more knowledge to strengthen this new path that we both are needing from each other.
    Thank you

    • sheforhim says:

      Hello Tracey,

      I feel that there are three key resources in any relationship, be it vanilla or hard core BDSM.

      1) Each other. No relationship will ever be the same as any other relationship. Do not judge yourself based on what you read in a book, what you see other people doing, or what is made up in a movie. You need to talk to each other and decide what you want to try. Then try it and throw out the stuff that does not work and keep what does. There is no defining rod to what makes a good relationship or what everyone likes. You have to be clear and open with each other and ensure that you are happy with the way things are going. Communication is the key to success for a work relationship where you are just trying to complete a project or in a 40 year marriage with or without a few spankings 🙂

      2) Books. These are both good and bad. They can provide you with a lot of ideas but they can also be distracting and create some friction. Use books to come up with ideas, share them with each other and use that communication thing to determine what you want to take from a book.

      I recently read a book on my Kindle about how to have “sex” for three hours. The book did not really do a good job of covering that topic and I was laughing after reading the section about covering the bed with a drop cloth.

      For some that might be a great book; but it was not my thing. I did get a couple of small ideas from it so it was not a complete loss…

      3) Other People. Resources in your community or on the Internet can be invaluable. One thing to remember, on the Internet we can say anything we like with little concern of any reprocessions. So take what people say with a grain of salt! If you can find a BDSM Munch in your area they will be a good place to talk to people. You can meet face to face, learn about them from how they act, the people around them, etc.

      Overall, make the way you do BDSM or D/s or whatever acronym you want to use, your own. It is a private relationship between you and your partner. If you feel safe and enjoy it, then keep doing it. If at any time you are afraid (beyond the “fun” afraid) and convened about your safety, get help!

      Your best bet is to start with a small rule set and grow from there. Find the things that match up with what you want to do.

      Ask your Sir/Master to create a set of tasks for you to complete each day.

      Voulenteer ideas for her/him to use.

      Remember to encourage your Sir/Master as they should encourage you. If it is new to both of you, it can be a lot of work to get started and the role of “Sir” is an absolutely mind boggling amount of work.

      As a married couple long before we moved to D/s my wife and I have a relationship that is not as much based on her kneeling before me and being an object but more on our mutual desire and respect and still it takes work to keep the BDSM part going!


  9. submissive says:

    I like the helpful info you provide in your articles. I’ll bookmark
    your blog and check again here frequently.
    I am quite sure I’ll learn a lot of new stuff right here!
    Best of luck for the next!

  10. Tracey says:

    Thank you for you information it is invaluable to both of us.
    My Sir and I are both starting out and you are correct in saying it being a much deeper connection to each other. We have started off slowly as we both have a lot to learn about our likes and dislikes.
    Opening our minds and bodies to new experiences which we are both finding exciting and can be nervous excitement to.
    My challenge is I’m a control freak so letting my sir take control is teaching me to let go in more ways than one.
    We are looking around to find a munch that is close to us as we are both in agreance that we can benefit from this.
    Thank you and I look forward to my future with my Sir and the emotional and physical connection that is beyond description of giving yourself completely to someone.

  11. Kitten says:

    Tracey, I have a very similar problem. All my life I have been compelled to hold on to my nearest and dearest with every fiber of me, with all my strength. But if someone wants to go, they still go whether I make them miserable via controlling them or not. I am also very new to this, and so is my Dom, who prefers I call him Master. He calls me Kitten. We currently keep our D/s relationship rather separate from the rest of our lives, because we both live with our parents still (a common thing in Mexico hahaha). As a signal that we want to initiate a session, we say ‘Monopoly’. LOL. This was based on a little private sex joke we had about telling his parents we were going to play ‘Monopoly’ and not… doing that. We never did that, but it was a fun joke.
    For me, it has taken a while to discover this. But vanilla sex always left me somewhat discontent, as something of inadequate intensity, even boring, and I have recently also discovered that the reason I almost cannot have an orgasm (sorry, TMI? XD ) is simply because I am not AROUSED. In a way, this journey is for me one of necessity. My partner has similar kinks; where I like to be hurt, he likes to administer pain. I don’t want to make the decisions; he hates being told what to do, but likes to ‘be the boss’. And so on…

    • sheforhim says:

      The first time the wife and I went camping and had some intimate moments when we came back and my mother asked what we had done I turned to her and said “Had sex.”

      The house was silent for a bit and follows up with “I am too old and lazy to lie.”

  12. […] you are interested in more of my rules as his submissive there are many sites for you to look at. This is the site in which Daddy has gotten his rules forme from. So far I enjoying my life as his […]

  13. emmyv88 says:

    My boy friend and i fallow the BDSM rules. Ive been a submissive all my life. But when you put if the submissive can not kneel infront of the Sir to look him in the eye. I tried to look him in the eye and that brought on a punishment.. so do you know anything else i could to if i can not kneel to Sir.

    • sheforhim says:

      Hello Emmyv88, I would talk to your boyfriend. Each dominant will have their own set of preferences. It could be nodding, or making some sign.

      • Alexander gates says:

        Hey you sould message me so I can control my submissive she won’t listen and want to try me 5125640926

      • sheforhim says:

        Hello Alexander, I would recommend you sit down with this individual and discuss your relationship. A submissive is an individual whom gives you control over them; not someone who you take control from.

        These rules are an agreement between two individuals, both of whom should be a respected part of the relationship.

        Feel free to send me an email and we can discuss. I can be reached at or via Twitter @DaddyDominates.

        However I prefer to not call or text individuals I do not know.

  14. Angel says:

    My ex Sir he thinks he is a Master. To me a master makes sure there are a set of rules. He acts childish when there is a family emergency if it is not him he lacks understanding. Then he also thinks it has to be sex 24-7 when mastering is not kinky sex there is more to it then this. On top of that he has broken three on our contract but places blame on his sub. He’s been using this site trying to say he has wrote this and that he is having people hang up on me because he breached agreement.

    • sheforhim says:

      Hello Angel, if your EX is the owner of this site I encourage him to post more, we have been very lax in that role!

      I find that titles like “master” can create a sense of self worth that is likely unwarranted. It can be tough to consider yourself a master while considering others to be equal to yourself. Titles and egos can get us all into trouble.

      It sounds like making this one an “EX” was a good move, however I can only speak based on your comments and offer this advice:

      The measure of who we are is not our words but what we do. The truth of things is found in our actions.

      Do not let someone define who you are, submissive or dominant we are all individuals of amazing worth.

  15. Sub101 says:

    Hello sir
    Thank you for the list that sir have provided us with , me and my husband is new at the D’s sub relationship and I want advise please on how to make my D step up more to his role he haven’t know any thing of it before I introduced it to him so we are very new, my wish is to be more of a sub for my D but I don’t know how to approach the situation without making my D feel like his not in control.


    • sheforhim says:

      Hello Sub 101. Everyone has their own path to success; but a good “tool” is to find like minded people in your area and converse with them. That can help to set the pace for your growth.

      That or going online together. Sit down with the computer and ask your dominant to join you. Show them some pages you have looked up and get their input.

      Sometimes leading is done without actually controlling anything; but by creating an opportunity.

      Remember though, you cannot make someone into something they are not, so be sure to find the right fit for both of you.

  16. Lizzy says:

    Thank you for posting this I have been a sub for almost two years and when I stopped due to emotional health being more important because I knew that I needed to learn to care for myself before being able to fully take care and serve others. I have recently started dating a man and he decided to take interest in being my dominant. This helped him figure things out for us. So thank you for posting this. 🙂

  17. Master Toolman says:

    I have been looking for a thorough list for my sub to follow and this is a great starting point. Much appreciated.


  18. M says:

    I found this very helpful, I find myself to be very submissive naturally and after being with my boyfriend for 10 months have started to speak to him about a D/s relationship, so far he thinks it sounds amazing but there is still a lot he doesn’t understand. He has never been Dominant before and I can not figure out a way to explain everything to him. Do you possibly have some links to help me explain to him? I am very submissive as i said before and i feel like it is my duty to serve and please him. If i could get some help that would be amazing ~M

  19. Christina ann stogner says:

    I agree and look forward to this relationship.

  20. Stephanie says:

    This has been very helpful and I think it will make a nice jumping off point for us to establish a rule set. Thank you so much for posting this!

  21. J says:

    I have no intention of getting into a full BDSM relationship but I find it fantasting and some of the ideas really turn me on anyway I’m already in a relationship and would like to intriduce light BDSM and have no idea how to do it or what we would even introduce I have spoke about it a little to my partner ?

  22. […] a submissive is lucky, finding the perfect dominant to love, honor, worship, and obey is more realistic. The novice submissive in the BDSM world needs experience before entering the […]

  23. Lane says:

    Hello all, It was my pleasure to read the set of rules here. I am a 43yo male with two divorces in my past. Strangley enough the bdsm lifestyle has appeal to me now. I recount the manor in which I treated my ex-wives and realized I am too giving and would forgo my own needs to appease them. They in turn took me for granted and eventually lost respect for me and moved on to other mates. The irony is that it took, what I believe to be a bdsm confidence scam, but haven’t found out yet, to get me thinking about this lifestyle. My question to the panel is, are there more Ds that were just born to be Ds or are there more subs that later became Ds.? Also should there be a contract at the beginning of such an arrangement as a popular movie portrayed?

    • sheforhim says:

      Hello Lane, there is no hard and fast rule around setting contracts; but I find that they tend to be used more in relationships that are formed around a physical connection instead of emotional (since a contract is a logical document defining a set or rules or guidelines).

      As such, it will really depend on the relationship that you want. If you are going to have 5 or 6 submissiveness, you will want a contract in place. In our case we were married for quite a while before we decided to go this direction. As such a contract was less important. We did setup rules (some of which we still use and others that have fallen to the side) to try and establish some protocols for changing the relationship we had.

      Some women may run away if you were to present them with a contract, others might expect it. All of them will run if you show up at the first date with one.

      One bit of advice I saw (but again because we are a monogamous married couple did not experience) was that a dominant should take time as a submissive to understand that side.

      It is very hard to lead if you do not understand what a submissive is going through (which leads to the importance of communication).

      I suspect that submissive that explore being dominant are likely to switch more than simply move to being dominant. Although there is always some that will find more joy in submission or dominance.

      I doubt that you could find statistical evidence to demonstrate a significant move from submissive to dominant; but would see a significant number that are open to switching (variety is the spice of life).

  24. Cgaluski says:

    I’m very new to submission, I’ve always had an interest and am trying to get my partner into being a dominant, but this isn’t something you can force someone into?

    • sheforhim says:

      Hello Cgaluski. That is true; no one should be forced to do something that is not natural to them such as submission or dominance (unless it is already agreed upon and part of your dynamic). Trying to make someone dominant takes a lot of work and agreement from both parties. Just as making someone submissive does.

  25. Newb says:

    I found this very helpful. My husband and I are just starting on this journey and have a young son so I found the family rules the most informative. I’m looking at this like a template where we can fill in all of our own rules, as much of what you and your s use are incompatible for us.
    Thank you

  26. Rayne says:

    The submissives rules r easy to find but remember it is the dominate that makes the rules ..there should be or is there the general rules for a submissive just as there should be general rules for a dominate which than can be dissuced and revises which will fit the ppl with in the relationship but there is basic rules for both sides that r golden that can not be revised or dicussed

  27. There are some variations from Daddy and mine’s rules. I see where we may have some potential ‘holes’ or ‘blank spots’ in ours that I will have to discuss amending with Daddy, thank you for this information! I find it to be quite helpful! 🙂

  28. SubCarleen says:

    Personally I believe that every bdsm relationship is completely different, just like normal relationships. As a sub myself I think as long ass your Dom is happy with what you are doing then you are fine. This submissive guideline is written by some bodies Dom. It is how he wants things and the way he views them. So I think if any other subs read this before just doing these things confirm with your Dom. Like I said every relationship is different.

    • sheforhim says:

      So very true, we published these rules so that others could see an example and use them to setup their own set of rules (if needed) or as a sanity check. What is good for the goose is not always good for the gander.

  29. Shari says:

    I don’t really know what I think of this because most the time I am the dominant one with men. I mean I don’t abuse or punish them in anyway but most do as I say. Mabe that isn’t the best way for me to handle men yet sometimes I believe they need it. Have had a few relationships that haven’t lasted because they wouldn’t do what I wanted and there’s some who have abused and left me because I would not let them dominate me. That’s one reason I stay single now. Love trust honesty loyalty romance and making equal decisions on everything is the way a relationship should be. Not one controlling the other. Nothing against this activity life style just my opinion.

    • sheforhim says:

      Hello Shari,

      You are absolutely correct, a relationship does need to have trust, honesty, loyalty (whatever the couple defines this as), and romance.

      Although I find it curious that you state “you believe men need to be controlled” (and yes I paraphrased a bit). If you are telling men what to do, are you making the relationship with them equal or are you controlling them?

      Each relationship is unique and as long as there is no abuse and each member is happy, then the relationship has a chance to work.

      That might be a couple that is in an open marriage, a couple that has a very strict and religiously based marriage, a D/s relationship, or whatever they decide works for them.

      The one thing that history tends to prove is that our opinions make us find the perfect relationship for ourselves, not for anyone else.

      I have created posts and comments throughout the site that address exactly that. In no way do I encourage that people need to have a D/s relationship; but we did publish some information from ours in the hopes that it helps people who are looking to create a relationship or strengthen one they already have through D/s in hopes that some of what we share will be useful.

      Also. Some of the posts are just for fun (like the stories).

      It sounds like you know what you want, and that is awesome. Everyone should have that confidence and belief in themselves!

  30. Scott says:

    I’m new to being a Dom my gf is in the life I do need some help.

  31. Katherine says:

    Thank you for this post. I am new to a sub life. I love being a sub.
    But I feel sometimes I am not good enough to my master.How do I fix this?

    • sheforhim says:

      Hello Katherine, the key to all success is communication. I would start by talking to him/her and seeing what you can do to better meet their needs.

      She/he should be happy to talk with you and help guide you.

      You could try and make an entire date out of it. Dress how he/she likes to see you dressed, take them out, do some “vanilla” things and try something naughty out in public.

      Afterwords, talk and help each other.

      In the end, no one is perfect and no one is submissive or dominant 24/7. We can only do our best.

  32. Liz says:

    Hi, I’m just embarking on a submissive relationship, my dom is younger than me and comes from a military background. So is used to controlling people.
    I have enjoyed reading all of the comments, and I’m looking forward to pleasing my master, when the time comes, I look forwards to any more advice ,

  33. Sexybird says:

    Hi thanks for sharing with this list. My oartner and i started our play about 8 months ago, we are now wanting to go further into a strict d/s role. My only struggle before we do our list, ks how to continue when ur child is with you or you have visitors. Mainly really our near 16 yr old son, how do we continue, without making it noticable for him. I cant be doing corner time or step time whilst hes in the room. Are there ways of continuing ? Tge list i think seems very good and i think we will look through it thoroughly to get the best for us. Its just the family bit i need help over. Thank you.

    • sheforhim says:

      Hello Sexybird, the family part does “complicate” things and you have a couple of choices as to how you can approach it. First, the easiest way is to have a time in the evening where you would be corrected. That way the family never sees it.

      The second, which is probably easier is to modify the words you use. Instead of corner time, it is meditation. You could have to wear rope “underwear”. You and your partner may need to step away for a “private discussion”.

      Now if you partner is correcting you 90% of the time then I would discuss the situation with them. It might be an unreasonable set of rules or they are over ambitious.

      However, you can certainly work it out so that you can get in the time you need as a couple and as a family.

      One thing we have been discussing is getting one of those monthly storage spaces. That would give us a place we could go to do some things. Although using it every day would probably not be the best idea… I do not think they are very sound proof.

  34. Sexybird says:

    Thanks for such a quick reply. I think you answered everything we thought really. At nearly 16, our son spends most of his life either in his room or the shower, no joke. So today we made the most of him being in the shower. Weve not been doing this for long, 8 months and decided we wanted to further our fun by putting in some serious rules and taking the d/s that next step. Im nearly 47 now and i know im going to find becoming a good sub quite hard, as im a stubborn, cheeky, bratty person, so im told by my partner. I dont like doing as im told, doing something i dont like, apologising for misbehaviour, basically everything a true sub becomes. But i know its what i want so im determind that i will make it, tho im sure my bottom will be very sore over the next few months whilst i learn my role, but will be fun.

    • sheforhim says:

      First let me say that the British idioms always make me happy (like “cheeky”) and second – it will take work. Being a submissive is a challenging land, you will have to guide yourself at times and push yourself to do more. A new Dom will be just as lost as you during the adventure so you have to work together. He will have to work on the appropriate level of sas he allows you; but in the end the success of being submissive comes down to you. You have to want it and help yourself get there as much as your husband helps guide you there.

      It does not excuse him from letting you get away with things – but it is harder to go from husband and wife to Dom and sub than the other direction.

  35. Sexybird says:

    I think it will be harder as weve been partners 28 yrs. thats a long time being us, if u no what i mean.
    Hes always shown interest in spanking me but i thought this life was for weird strange people. So sori, i dont mean to offend anyone, it was just how i was brought up. Ive always been prudish so its taken my v patient man a long time for me to do “things” quite natural to me now.
    Tho when he comes up with new ideas i tend to refuse straight away, then slowly come round to the idea.
    Some ideas, like wet play, i really dont want to get involved in.
    The first thing we did was read, read, and read, websites, forums, spanking sites, everything we could find. Fictional stories, true life stories. We probably spent the first month doing that plus starting to enjoy spanking.
    Now i think my pain threshold has taken on really well, and i will be honest, prefer hard core toys, thats what i call them. And could happily be spanked 3-4 times a day.
    Taking this step will only make us enjoy each other more and more.
    Our only wish, we started this yrs ago when the extra pounds of weight werent on, ive been disabled 12 yrs. so before then. But hey, weve found it now and theres no looking back only looking forward to an interesting future x

  36. Ann105 says:

    I am a sub and found this very helpful. Wondered if anyone has any advice on dating as a sub. Have only had one Dom/sub relationship previously and find it hard to meet doms.

    • sheforhim says:

      I suspect the dating scene for anyone looking for a submissive or dominant will be a bit tougher unless you are open to going to a local munch (Google around and see if you can find any in your area), use, or go to speed dating with a sign that says “I like to be tied up and spanked and I am willing to do the bidding of the right person!”

      First, you face the challenge that there are a lot of people out there that want to be a dominant but use it as an excuse to be an asshole. Second, it is not really something you can just shout out in a restaurant. Third, men have been trained over the last 50 years that we have to treat everyone the same, so you are fighting the idea that a woman should always be equal – even if your biology says “Take me, use me!!!”

      So it can be a tough road. Since I have never gone out looking for a submissive (and as far as I know my wife has not gone looking for another Dominant) it is hard for me to really say how you should proceed.

      A friend of mine who wanted to make sure the guys who hit her up on “Plenty of Fish” were on the dominant side used a comment like “Looking for someone who is dominant enough to keep up with me.”

      Which of course let me to ask if she was really looking for a “Dominant”. She was not, she is looking for a guy that is not wimpy.

      So the challenge is real for everyone. I have recommended to others that you look through the normal “vanilla” channels and drop hints along the way. Start to build up D/s as part of your relationship. One never knows where that can go.

  37. Kathy Henn says:


  38. I loved my sub. And would not trade her for the world. She is very best that happen to me. I look forward to getting home to her when I get off work

  39. Jessica says:

    Ok so I am totally new to all of this I just happened to fall in love with a dominant and my master helped me to see that I have a submissive side but the thing is he has been a dominant for years where as I am just starting out I know that I love him with all of my heart and would do anything to please him and I dI’d find this very helpful but I also know that I still have so much to learn and I just want to please my master any other advice there is just still so much I don’t know

    • sheforhim says:

      Hello Jessica, read the bottoming book and any other guides you can find on Amazon with good reviews; and talk to the man. Make sure he know where you are coming from. A good Dom/Top/Master is going to make adjustments to help you. They may from time to time try to push you forward in “leaps and bounds” if they feel you can handle it; but they should not get upset if you still need time to “ramp up”. Some you may have to do on your own to help yourself feel comfortable (like taking selfies, playing with toys, raising your pain level, etc.). Just make sure you are talking all of it over with the Dom.

  40. Sexybird says:

    Hi Sheforhim. My advice it take things slowly so you u derstand everything your master wants. Read lots of books, fiction or nonfiction, join spanktube, this site was incredibly helpful fir me, my partner and i started this a yr ago, but only the last 2 months started a proper DD relationship, best thing we ever did. So i joined spanktube, read loads, went online to read what it meant. My hardest thing i struggle with, even now, is being a full sub, not doing what you want anymore, id spent 40 yrs doing mostly what i wanted now ive to get permission to spend anything, serve my master food and drink on demand, a list of rules i can and cant do. Thats my hardest thing, but i love it and ive still lots to learn. Hope my asvice helps and you grow into a great sub, with your masters help im sure you will love it as much as i do. Xx

  41. Michelle says:

    I am just now starting this, and the guy and I dont date, but we have a strong connection and he lives 2 hours away. I would really like an understanding of all of this.

  42. Zach says:

    Hello. I’ve been into bdsm for a few years and more particularly ddlg. I’ve been dating a woman for about a year now and she doesn’t know I’m into bdsm. I really want to make the relationship last buy I’m nervous to mention this part of my life. Do you have any suggestions on how to introduce this to a relationship? Any help would be appreciated.

    • sheforhim says:

      Start small, introduce some rope play in the bedroom or handcuffs. If she is interested talk to her about adding more and getting into it. Be honest and open with her; but there is nothing wrong with getting a little intel before you try and take her down this path.

  43. Samantha G. Jackson says:

    hello sir am new to tell d/s world and already have a master but we live far way I live in Oklahoma and he live in Taxes how do I help him if hes so far way??? please and thank you sir

    • sheforhim says:

      Hello Samantha, there is no easy and set rule for such a relationship. You will have to talk with your dominant and discuss what would make your situation work for both of you.

      Some ideas that may help: Be creative, think of things you can send him such as videos, soiled panties, gift cards, etc. It can really be anything, as long as you are being creative and thinking of him.

      Keep a digital journal, so he can read it via the web or write him letters and mail them.

      Long distance relationships have a lot of challenges and require unique ideas and plans for each couple (or group). Talk with your dominant and see what kind of goals the two of you want to create and work towards those.

      Make sure you review from time to time to validate the goals are still important.

      I would also Google around for long distance BDSM relationship ideas. I am sure there are plenty of sites with recommendations.

  44. Masters_kitten says:

    My husband and i have just started into this and though he loves to be dominate over me sexual outside of the bedroom he finds it harder this has really helped so i can make show him how it would be any suggestion to get him more comfortable with the sub/dom relationship?

    • sheforhim says:

      I think that one of the toughest things is getting past everything we are taught as kids and in our daily lives. It is hard to hear things like “equal rights”, “treat women like princesses”, and “political correctness” for decades then try to change the dynamic of a relationship.

      When a couple starts out in a D/a role it is easier to keep, but changing from a traditional “vanilla” relationship takes a lot of work.

      Setting good ground rules will help and it will be on both of you to establish your protocol.

      You as the submissive may have to do some topping from the bottom to get things going.

      He will likely want to do a lot of research and it may help him to talk to others, either via Twitter, email, or in person.

      Remember though, if you are both happy, there is no wrong way be together.

  45. Tasha says:

    Hi! Thank you for publishing this, it was very helpful! I recently met a man who is a real dom. I have always been curious about the lifestyle due to being sexually submissive. I of coarse pictured 50 shades of grey however that is so far from the truth lol. Anyways being new im beyond excited yet a little nervous as im pretty dominant in life and i guess id be a tame me sub mixed with a little sammy. Any advice on how to not get into too much trouble or maybe exercises to do to help transition into the submissive role at all times not just sexually?

    • sheforhim says:

      Hello Tasha, I do not believe there is a “one size fits all” method that will get everyone into a submissive mindset. However there are some general things that may help:

      1. Keep a journal, writing down things will help you to self-assess your actions and day. It can help you to set goals and review your own progress. It’s also handy to go back and read as you progress to see where you started and where you are at that point.

      2. Meditate. This is just a good idea for everyone. Take ten minutes and sit down and do nothing. Just let your mind wander at first, then find things to meditate on. With a little practice this will become a very powerful tool to help you through the day.

      3. Being submissive (or dominant) requires a lot of work. So be patient and work at it!

      4. Ask your Dom. They will be able to view the small things you should be doing and will be your best guide!

      Good luck and keep us updated!

  46. Nessa says:

    Hi um im new to this nd well my D is very well not helpful like i ask questions like i need rules stated instead he just expects me to read his mind nd tbh its really hard for me because my soul is very rebellious nd he wants the whole relationship under his control not just the sex part i need help!! I want to please him

    • sheforhim says:

      Hello Nessa, you should sit down with him and tell him that you need more communication and order. Part of controlling a situation is providing enough communication that people know what to do and the expectations.

      It might be that he does not know what he wants and the two of you have to come up with some basic rules that work for you today and you may replace in a few months.

      Make sure to keep communicating, it is the key to success.

  47. des354 says:

    Found this information very helpful…I am new to this lifestyle and just trying to get as much information as I can….

  48. Ri chard says:

    I am currently in a wonderful relationship with a gorgeous younger woman whom I respect and adore. She has been slowly opening up to me about her interest in BDSM. She showed me this site and I have found it very educating. Thank you.

  49. joyce says:

    Hello so me and my husband have been together for 10 yrs and we actually have been talking about me becoming a sub for him, im very interested since I have a very sub personality. We haven’t tried it yet for we are both new at this and don’t want to mess it up so we r trying to get as much information as possible. we do have 2 kids plus we both work full time jobs so how do we make this work we both want to so badly….please help

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